About
Whom do we want to talk to with this blog, Eye on Gay Muslims?
And what, in brief, do we want to say to them?
EVERYONE
Here’s what Islam has to say about homosexuality, including the distinction between actions and attractions. We present the facts and entertain debate, without prioritising anyone’s agenda over the truth.
SAME-SEX ATTRACTED MUSLIMS
You’re not sinful for feeling how you do, but you must strive not to do anything that Allah has forbidden. This in itself is a means of attaining His reward. You are not alone in this struggle, and you may even overcome the unwanted feelings altogether.
SELF-IDENTIFYING “GAY MUSLIMS”
You cannot justify homosexual activity in the light of divine revelation, and no doubt it is all sinful. Understand Islam properly, realise that even the identity of being “gay” is problematic and un-Islamic, and repent to Allah, who is Forgiving, Merciful.
THE WIDER MUSLIM COMMUNITY
Don’t ignore the struggle so many sincere Muslims are going through. And even those who are sinful, don’t content yourselves with condemning them. The Qur’an and Sunnah teach us to invite people with wisdom and mercy, not to drive them away or persecute them with violence or abuse.
OTHER RELIGIOUS COMMUNITIES
You can decide for yourselves how you interpret your scriptures, but it is disappointing just how few people are willing to stick to the beliefs that the Prophets brought. Homosexuality has always been forbidden: we, at least, abide by this.
NON-RELIGIOUS PEOPLE
You might disagree with our beliefs – consider them “homophobic” – but it’s not our goal to please you. That being said, we would like to clarify what Islam says for you in order that you may understand things before judging them. Everything has its context.
You can contact the blog owner, Rasheed Eldin, at this address: straightwayislam@gmail.com
Eye on 'Gay Muslims' 
Some people ask: why use the domain “gaymuslims.org”, while being critical of homosexuality? First, bear in mind that our title is "Eye on Gay Muslims".
I think it is unhelpful to use terms like "gay" that bracket people into a "sexual orientation", a concept I think is false. So in that sense, I don't believe there are really "gay people" on the meaning of people with a homosexual orientation, and therefore obviously no such thing as "gay Muslims".
However, the fact is that this is the standard way of speaking about it, and most people who approach StraightWay for help do so saying that they think they're gay, or that they are definitely gay but want to change. They aren't used to thinking of SSA as merely something they experience, as opposed to an identity-defining factor.
So the title of the blog reflects this fact, and includes the fact that the blog also aims at bringing to light the statements and activities of those people who call themselves "gay Muslims" and are proud of that.
Finally, the average person would have no idea what was meant by a title which included "SSA Muslims". Oh, and they would go and visit the site called "Gay Muslims", which we would have left to be run by the less Islamically-oriented people.
As-salaamu Alaikum,
It is great to see this blog. Keep up the good work!
Very nice. I’ve added you to the blogroll.
Thanks Dr. M,
Added you here as well.
Salam 🙂
salam.
let me start like this. i hate myself. why? because i like man-im a gay. non of my family members & friends know that im a gay. only two persons know that im gay. even im a gay but i always try to avoid to meet any man. i dont want to be gay BUT my feeling is, i like man. that is why i hate myself and sometime i really want to blame on GOD because of this homo feeling. im already close to 40 but still single because i know that i cant be a husband – its lying. i even not looking any man to be my boyfriend. the situation really making me crazy. i hate to face my future. i hate myself, really hate myself. how long i have to face this …sometime i just telling myself that just find somebody-a man, and having sex…but i still want to keep myself ‘clean’ from any home sexuallity, but how long i can keep my virginity? this is really making me stupid, crazy & just hate myself. i hate this world. sometime i think i better kill myself-suicide-but the problem is our religion didnt allow it. but how can i live like this-without sex, lying about my sex orientation when people ask me why im still singe etc. all these making me stupid in this world…i hate everything
Hi, I saw your post, and I just wanted to express my compassion for your struggle. It sounds like you are quite conflicted between your belief and your identity. It’s obvious that your values are important to you, and you have a lot of integrity. Your talk of suicide is sad. Reaching out for support in your community, and around the city you live in may be important. I wish you the best, and hope you find some peace. As I write this, I looked at the date that you posted your message. It was a long time ago, I hope you’re keeping well.
Islam isn’t homophobic,muslims are. read Quran by yourself and you will realize that its a misconception. and the Imam who calls homosexuality a curse doesn’t even know how many Ayahs are there in Quran. they just preach what the hear from others
I agreed. Many things I discovered since I study quran and many of the ‘islamic teaching’ are contradict to quran. Don’t judge before u read quran page by page, understand it’s meaning and the message. Quran. Not hadith. It’s true, quran is the light. I am a gay and my Lord loves me.
Asalawalaikum Mokhtar Sir, plz don’t hate yourself ….Allah has made you so because he knows you can deal with this ….Allah only gives difficulties to those who can survive throughout them …& remember 1 thing how much difficulty you face in your life that much your sins are washed off ….so don’t think y I was made like this?…but accept the fact & try to make yourself an example to others …& remember that we all are here in this world for a test ….so focus on getting an A+ on the day of judgement 🙂
May Allah Bless you with Jannah
Aameen 🙂
First of all, thank you. Thank you for speaking honestly. Many people babble about being gay and Muslim and describe how it’s like to live such life but they don’t. They don’t know crap. Actually you have given me hope, you are forty and still managed to keep away from any forbidden sexual act, do you know how brave you are, how patient you are, please keep up. Now I can I can do this. I wish you well.
walaykom as ssalam br. Mokhtar,
I am really sorry that you are going through a hard time. I assure you that I know what you are going through. Brother, remember that this is your life and it is a journey of tests, failures, and successes insha’ allah. You are not alone in this struggle there are many others like you who are dealing with these very issues. I urge you to visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle You will find people there in the same boat as you and you can share ideas about how to deal with this struggle. Although your talk of suicide is alarming I trust that you are of good faith for keeping steadfast for this long. Nothing is worth throwing our faith away over. Please do keep in touch either through here or through the group.
May Allah guide you and everyone.
As ssalam o alaykom
MashaAllah, excellent site and resource. The majority of my friends throughout Jr. High School to College were bi-or homosexual, and I have always believed that Muslim Scholars and people, instead of blindly cursing should find ways to reach out to those with same sex attractions and find ways and what they can do to deal with it.
Like you have mentioned, everyone has their different trials and tribulations and the ‘sin’ lies in how you act in response to your trials. Will the woman whose entire family die in one day curse God and commit suicide? Or will she be patient and firm in belief? Will the man who has some kind of obssessive-compulsive sex disorder have sex with every woman he meets, or will he restrain himself and fast? Or an alcoholic who repents but falters; doesn’t she/he continue to pray and ask for help? Likewise, someone with same-sex attractions can find ways to curb his/her sexual desire, pray and ask for God’s help, and if he/she marries in hopes to try to change, you can try to find someone who could be understanding, and tell them your situation and then it would not be a lie. Maybe they can find a way to arouse you, etc.
Nowhere in Islam does it say that we will be punished for our temptations. What counts is our intention and striving to try to improve our condition, and abstain from mindlessly acting upon our primal desires, whatever they may be.
Okay i think it’s fair enough to not ‘categorize’ sexuality and refer to what people generally think of as gay as Same Sex Attraction.
what about categorizing people as ‘straight’? does this not stem from the presumption that everyone is straight, or should be? why would god give us these feelings if we were not supposed to act on them in a religiously defined way (and it is due time to rule on gay-muslim marraiges as islamic)? can i ask ‘straight’-muslims to also abstain from sex even within the bounds of marraige forever, while i do the same? try to think on these questions a little bit more than just invoking Lut or socially constructed homosexual prohibitions.
The way I see it is that being Gay is the same as being blind or deaf etc. These people never get to see or hear. It is a test for you. You can’t just try and justify it and say why would God give you these feelings etc etc. Why would God give someone eyes but not let them see, or ears but not let them hear?
Not the same thing. I concede being deaf or blind may in fact be harder; indeed, losing your sight or hearing after having had it, may in fact be harder still. Lining up different things as a way of argument is only half effective. The first challenge to your rebuttal, Shadeofcolours, is the implicit acknowledgement that one is born gay much in the way one can be born blind or deaf (‘these people NEVER get to see or hear’ [hence born?]). I am not sure you want to make this concession. Nevertheless, the second challenge is you are not comparing like for like? If one is born with something which is essentially forbidden then that is a different kind of test altogether and not the same as being born deaf or blind.
Dear GMN,
God created us all and taught us to stive to reach an ideal. There are many many aspects to that ideal that we can stive to achieve and many things that we need to stay away from. People that are struggling with attractions to the same sex should not be acting upon them. This site deals with things from an Islamic prespective so I don’t understand how you can expect us not to “invoke Lut”. Allah, the Almighty, you and my Creator, “invoked” Lut many times in the Qur’an to teach us lessons from his story. May God grant us the guidance to be aware of Him and make us of those who are believers and strugglers in the path of this religion.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
there are specifically four lines in the whole quran that mentions the ‘abominations’ of the ‘people’ of Lut mating or lying or partnering with males instead of females (the presumption being here that the ‘people’ Lut is talking to are all men, but anyway). Now from my understanding, the quran is much bigger than those four lines, so how about reading the whole thing, and understanding the laws derived from it in its historical and cultural context? let me ask just one question – forget the ‘lifestyle’ of being ‘gay’ or the image that the media portrays of queer people, but just think about one muslim marrying another muslim in a way ordained by islam, the only difference is that they are both of the same sex. they both lead an islamic lifestyle that would be the envy of even hetero muslims. how is this a bad thing? why take away this choice away from queer muslims, leaving them with alternatives in which they would either be miserable (what if god made heteros so miserable?), or alienated from islam?
How many places in the Quran do you want it to mention? We don’t need the whole book to tell us it is haram, also sodomy is haram. So If you don’t feel acting on homosexual feelings is haram, what about sodomy?
This is not the page for such comments. But let me give a very brief response…
1. It doesn’t matter how many “lines” in the Qur’an say it. Alcohol is forbidden in less than four “lines”. And how many “lines” forbid murder?
2. I am not the one taking away “choice” from SSA Muslims, but they have the choices that Islam gives them. Marriage can be an option, but not between 2 men or 2 women, because these do not fit the definition of marriage in the Qur’anic/Islamic law sense.
I will write a post addressing these issues soon, God willing.
GMN,
Does this website look alienating to you? My dear brother, just because something seems good does not mean that it is Islamically sound. Take wine as an example, it is acknowledged that wine has some benefits, but its harm outweighs its benefit and wine is completely forbidden in Islam.
Nobody is saying be miserable, but rather, we encourage these strugglers to find strenght in their faith in order to lead them through this life towards the hereafter, God willing.
Jazakallah Kahir for this Blog, we need more like these
Salaam, and thanks for the comment and the link!
Salam, i’ve not read the entirety of your blog, i’ve only just discovered it from muslim apple’s blog. Before I dig around, i just want to commend you guys on putting this blog out there. For having the character to take the crap, the spam, the insults and the stupidity. Above all, is stupidity forgiveable? I’d have to say no 🙂
see you … hopefully on my blog 🙂
Salaam sister, I’m committed to say that ANYTHING is forgiveable… with sincerity, but ultimately only by Allah’s mercy. Take care. 🙂
I’m gay, and have read in so many places that I can’t even call myself a Muslim because of my attractions and desires to be with men. The Quran says no one is burdened with what they cannot handle, but how can I believe this when day in and day out I see that I’m attracted only to men, and that unless I decide to remain celibate my whole life, I’m going to hell. What kind of test forces me to choose celibacy and self-denial of my most primal urges? Other people have to abstain from drinking alcohol, eating pork, etc., but we on the other hand are denied the most basic primal urges known to man – sex. There is no way I can marry a woman because bringing a god-fearing woman into this mess is despicable, and subjecting her to a sexless marriage is terrible. I’ve tried to become closer to God, and have asked millions of times for him to change me. Afterall, how else are you suppose to change if you dont turn to God? Well, I’ve turned to God already, and he hasn’t done anything to help me, so either I was meant to be gay, there is no God, I have mental issues (and shouldn’t be punished), or people’s interpretations of homosexuality within Islam are totally wrong. What concrete suggestions can you give me to become straight? All I hear time and time again is “get closer to Allah,” but no one seems to realize that such suggestions dont work for millions of homosexual Muslims out there. We’ve tried, but look where we are today. I’ve emailed religious leaders to pray for me, and have gotten no response, and I haven’t changed. This cant be a journey I undertake myself, and if a man of God can’t even help me, then there is no hope at all. If nothing changes (and I’ve tried my hardest to change) then I will simply leave the fold of Islam because either way I go to Hell.
Salams,
Rizwan, sorry to hear of your struggle. No Muslim can say that they won’t go to hell, no one knows, BUT every Muslim will eventually get out of hell a non believer will stay in it forever.
Salam Rizwan,
Welcome to the blog, may it benefit you inshallah. Islam is a lifelong lifestyle that we follow on our journey towards God. You are not alone in your struggles, there are many and we share advice and thoughts. You might want to join this yahoo group where these issues are discussed, there’s a wealth of information in the history of messages that have been sent: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
As a first step, do examine your behaviours in terms of why you think you have these attractions and what triggers them. One of the most effective ways of dealing with same-sex attractions is to build stronger and healthier male relationships. This can be discussed at length on the group inshallah.
Salam brother.
As-salamu alaikum.
Has anyone truly made it to the other side? Has anyone, through Allah’s grace, manage to rid himself completely of same sex attractions? If so, I would like to read your story.
I have been fighting this battle with Allah’s help for many years. The approach that has worked best for me is the same approach you describe – cut the identification with a “gay identity,” limit exposure to erotic imagery, stay ever-vigilant of how your mind and desire react to outside stimulii – and use what you observe about yourself to keep them on a very short leash.
These techniques work very well, especially when you combine them with patience, faith, certitude and determination. And I have come to understand that you really can get this beast under control. But will I ever be rid of the underlying feelings completely? They are still there, though they don’t have the power they used to. I am starting to believe that I will for the rest of my life be vulnerable to these attractions to some degree.
So to my original question – has anyone had the experience of Allah by His grace completely dispelling these attractions forever? If so, please – I would like to hear your story.
Salaams.
Not even straight muslims truely understand what we are going through. They can advise us to get closer to Allah, i havent even tried that yet. Im 27 years old, never had a sexual encounter with a man or woman, but find men attractive. I hate myself just like the rest. Family is getting thoughts about getting me married, and apart from this website, i have not mentioned to ANYONE that i am homosexual. Dont know what life holds for me, if i have to get married then i will, and i know that the approach to my wedding will be full of sleepless nights, stress and depression. After the wedding im going to be miserable, and followed by further depression. I will experience hell on earth and hell in the hereafter. I dont know the answer to your question Khabir, and im sure you visit this regularly to see if anybody has posted any reponses to your question “anyone successful in changing sexual orientation”. I too type this in search engines to make myself feel better, i have not seen any muslim post on any website to say that he has changed and how they did this. WE eill make ourselves feel better pretending to be straight, but when time comes, its going to be too late. Allah please show us the right path.
Salam Anon, brother, what is important is that we follow God’s commandments to the best of our abilities. The point is not necessarily to “change sexual orientation”, the point is to be able to deal with same-sex attractions as they come and, of course, not to fall into same-sex encounters. Stay strong my brother and insha’Allah you will find help and solace in the group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
I too struggled with feelings of guilt, worthlessness and disgust untill I realised that I was winding myself up unnecessarily.
Just come to the conclusion that there is nothing right or wrong about being gay but anyway it is not desirable and just live by the rules whatever they are. that is life, it’s about keeping safe and keeping out of trouble untill you pass the test at the end. moreover you may have been even more unfrotunate if you’d woken up into this world with some sort of physical disability. so don’t fret. you won’t die if you don’t live a family life. and don’t get married if you think that will do injustice to yourself and your poor wife no matter how hard the parents push you.
keep safe till you meet your maker the way he likes you to be not the way you think you should be because apparently that is irrelevant.
cheers
I can’t believe I found this site. I basically just came across it. I am up writing a paper for my graduate class and could not concentrate so I decided to search the web. I find it to be a bit of sign that it was in this blessed month of Ramadan that I came across your site becuase my din has almost deminished. I used to be religious and pray. I would pray that my desires would go away, that god would make me straight, more masculine and the list goes on. I have fought my feminine attributes and have molded myself into a masculine man to fit societies norms becuase it is still hard being a gay man with feminine attributes in the secular world. I know I am all over the place with this blog, I haven’t thought out what to say, but that I am a man who is not only sexually attracted to but have been sexual active with men since i was 19. It has been seven years since I became active. Over the years, my parents found out, they never turned their back on me but just prayed for me. I concentrated on my education and now I am getting my masters degree. Material wealth, I have an abundance of, but I am not happy. I always wanted to be straight, but of lately, I was becoming more comfortable with being gay. I even started to come out to friends. My biggest struggle is that I would try to be straight but I am now HIV positive. How can I marry anyone now? My parents are devasted and we have been dealing with this since late 2004 when I was diagnosed. My mother is going for Ummrah tomorrow to pray for me once again. Everyone asks her when her handsome smart son will get married, old girlfriends want me to pay them attention. I feel so shameful that my parents who are very devout have to deal with a son like me. I am their first child. I know its hard for them. But the pyschological stress that sexuality puts on us as “gay” men, I do not think any straight person can relate to. I have tried and just like other sins and test after the month of Ramadan passes I loose hope. I don’t know, maybe there still is hope…of lately I feel as if im going slightly insane, without it being visible to outsiders. I take full responsibility for my actions, but becoming infected, it seems as if I almost lost hope. It has become my biggest test, sexuality taking second place to disease. I guess it is idealistic to think I can marry another Muslim man, although I know I have that option. I know a man who is willing to be with me regardless of my HIV status. I just don’t think a woman, especially a Muslim woman with the additional constraints culture puts on them, could look past it. What suggestions do you have for a person like me. I feel damned. Like im already living in hell. I am paying for my sins in this life I suppose. I also told myself this was my jihad, I wish to be stronger in fighting it. My fight in life has become a fighting to live for the rest of my life.
Salaam, brother.
Alhamdulillah that you found this site. It is never too late to learn how to control same sex attractions (ssa), if that is what you want to do. Even if you are not sure about this, you owe it to yourself to consider the option.
Many brothers with ssa have benefited from a support group designed exclusively for Muslims who are waging this battle within themselves. Here is the link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle . As others on this blog have explained, the site contains a wealth of information in its archives. It also provides a safe, private and compassionate environment in which to discuss ssa and issues related to it.
May Allah grant you his mercy and compassion during this blessed month and always.
Brother fight4life,
One more thought. Please forgive me, I cannot get your story out of my head. Remember that Allah is the most forgiving, most compassionate. There is a reason He is called the Most Beneficent, Most Merciful. Allah can do anything, brother. He can and He will.
I would humbly call your attention to the story featured on the homepage of this blog. Brother Ayub’s story is not as uncommon as you might think.
Please don’t despair brother, with every burden also comes Allah’s deepest compassion, forgiveness and learning. The burdens contain lessons, the benefits of which you can’t even begin to imagine.
I pray that you find the guidance you are seeking. And Allah knows best.
This is quite an interesting blog. I’m glad I stumbled upon it, insha’Allah it will help me to change. I want to thank you for introducing StraightStruggle. If it hadn’t been for your site I would never have heard of it. I’m hoping they can help me to change – I’m not saying I’ve lost faith in Allah, but I’m sure I’m going about things the wrong way in getting His attention.
Before I rant on, being ‘gay’ is anything but its dictionary definition – the man (or woman) that coined the term should be shot if he’s not dead already!
I’ve been ‘of the gay’ for as long as I can remember now. I don’t know for sure how it came about, but I was aware of something different about myself since the age of 7. When I was about 9 I was abused most nights by my cousin, maybe that was a trigger, I don’t know. I suppose it doesn’t matter now. But, I forgave him long ago (not to his face, but through dua – I don’t want to embarass him by confronting him). After all, how is Allah to forgive us if we can’t forgive each other.
I’ve read up in lots of places of remedies to cure ‘the gay’, i.e. dua, fasting, dhikr etc. I’ve tried punishing my nafs by extreme fasting (iftari to iftari without food, eating a miniscule amount to break the fast) – it’s good for the short term. Dhikr fills my heart to bursting point with joy and love for Allah and his Rasool (pbuh), but doesn’t make me any less gay.
I guess I’m trying to say that people don’t choose to be gay – it chooses them. Why would I choose to hate and punish myself every day? Why anybody would choose oppression over freedom beats the hell out of me!
im 28 years old gay Moslem’s..ive been thru all the advices like some mentioned..and ist not working..gay is not a disease it cant be healed.
i just want to say:
if you gay..just be it..you can’t b married but u can use the essence of the marriage in you m2 m relationship..
dont even think whether is right or wrong..the right or wrong is for God to decide .. as human..just live what u think God has give..
Brothers Ihsan and Rafiqqq,
We believe that dealing with SSA is a long process that involves understanding them, understanding yourself and understanding the religion. For sure, saying that people choose SSA makes no sense. But saying that it’s natural and must be submitted to is certainly not the only alternative! And everything in our religion opposes that notion.
Rafiqqq, it’s true that right and wrong is for Allah to decide – but He (swt) has already decided, and has revealed His guidance in the Qur’an and Sunnah. So these are our criteria of judgement. Do you not worry that when you say something like that, you are earning His anger upon yourself? Such a statement is actually a sign of someone trying to be the Judge when that is none but Allah alone.
May He guide us all.
Marriage: a man and a woman as husband and wife.
Do not change the definition.
DO NOT chose to disbelieve just because you want to fulfill your sexual desires….However, I hope all of you have faith.
Zack, the definition has changed already.
I want to point something out to you. You don’t chose to believe or disbelieve. It comes naturally as you consider the facts, evidence or are influenced (form early childhood) by indoctrination. Of course faith wavers at times (especially if you stop volunteering to be brainwashed) you can strengthen it at other times (when you drive more delusions into your head). However the basic state of belief in something is a consequence of another mechanism.
At least this is how I percieve reality. Of course experience tells me I’m not the only one who operates this way.
To clarify things furter let me give another example. It would be difficult for you to chose to disbelieve that radio waves do not exist. When it comes to homosexuals we are bombarded by this fact: we are dead sure of our innate feelings. One can mistrust any aspect of reality around him/her and some will argue that what you perceive as reality is an illusion: for example the concept of ‘time’ is largely artificial and the sensation of ‘solid’ is an illusion as we know that all matter is made of non-solid components.
I can’t disbelieve my body when it feels fear or senses warmth. To do this I’d have to be in a psychotic state. If the innate senses tell you you’re homosexual and an abstract supernatural voice tells you you shouldn’t be then you begin to question: what else did this imaginary friend get wrong? Can I trust it?
Bravo, how very pseudo-Cartesian. However, note the following flaws in your explanation:
(1) A comparison between electromagnetic waves and emotional feelings. How is this established?
(2) A comparison between feelings and propositional knowledge – how does a body “tell you you’re homosexual”: how does the body define the meaning of this (modern) terminology in the first place?
[No I’m not thick, I know what you’re trying to say. But if you said it correctly, it would be clear that your argument doesn’t stand like you think it does.]
(3) A complete lack of understanding of what we have explained at great length on this blog re: distinction between feeling and being, and between attractions and actions.
Where exactly was I comparing electromagnetic waves with emotional feelings?
And I share the views of your guests who found your attempt at creating a distinction betwee feeling and being as a totally nonsensical proposition.
I have to say that you’ve lost me completely on point two above. I don’t know what exactly are you asking. How does a body tell you your homosexual? I suppose the same way it tells you you’re happy or sad. I may not have answered your question but perhaps you can repharse that paragraph.
I’m not keen on playing ping-pong with you, even though it’s Eid!
We are dealing with detailed arguments here, and your first duty if you want to engage with them is to read them (in their articles) and critique according to their premises and structure.
Rasheed, you haven’t answered a single point from my last entry and yet you want to burden me with more of your articles?
The problem with you is that you want get away with falsity. Again I ask you, where did I compare electromagnetic waves to emotions? Why should anyone buy into the thought/being schism? Why can’t you make sense when you ask questions (such as the incredibly impenetrable jibberish that is point 2 on entry 33).
Anyhow Eid Mubarak
Oh yawn. If you don’t want to read my articles, stop coming to my blog. The point is, this is an “About” page, not a ping-pong with Bravo page. This’ll be the end of it.
1./ You said: “It would be difficult for you to chose to disbelieve that radio waves do not exist. When it comes to homosexuals we are bombarded by this fact: we are dead sure of our innate feelings.”
So you compared the surety of the existence of radio (electromagnetic) waves (which can be perceived by unconscious instruments) to feelings that exist within a person (and cannot even be experienced directly by another person). I don’t know how you forgot what you wrote!
3.(since you advanced it)/ Simple – a person is more complex than their sexual feelings or anything else that goes on inside. If those feelings change, does the person’s identity change? Maybe in some sense, so we can say that sexuality is part of identity. But should it be a DEFINING factor? Rather than me explaining why NOT, it’s upon the one who says so to explain why.
2./ My “jibberish” was only an attempt to be concise in responding to your extended waffle. To help you out: if the term “homosexual” has only come to be defined in a certain way within the last few decades, what definition does the body use when it “tells you” as you said? Or rather, what on earth does it mean for a body to “tell” anything propositional (if you don’t know what this word means, you might consult a philosophy book, or Wikipedia!)
You yawn but keep coming back for more. Are you interested in this discussion or not? If that’s ‘the end of it’ and a full stop I would’ve understood. But the ‘end of it’ followed by three paragraphs demands a response. This conversation is not for your entertainment, you’r not ping-ponging with me. We’re discussing an issue we both feel is important.
So you’re smart enough to see how waves and emotions are incomparable. It’s because of this fact that I used them as examples to illustrate how the process of attaining faith can come about in completely different ways. You saw the words ‘waves’ and ’emotions’ and nothing else.
Before I begin I need to make sure you understand the difference between ‘comparing’ and ‘contrasting’. Here it comes.
I am no physicist. Even if I was I’d still need some form of instrument to detect the waves. However I believe radio waves exist because I see that the evidence can be readily corroborated by independent observers. That would hold true even if I didn’t interact with them myself on a daily basis every time I turn my radio on.
On the other hand my belief in my homosexuality comes from first hand experience. I sense it, my mind interprets directly. It’s straightforward and, more importantly, in no need of any complex deductions or complicated interaction with my surroundings (such as learning a new science or obtaining a piece of technology to detect waves).
For that reason I refuse any form of interjection such as when you try to invent this apparently new branch of existential philosophy to try to convince ME what or how I should perceive MY OWN innate feelings whether it be homosexuality or whatever.
Should identity/feelings be a defining factor?
Yes. A person is not more complex than their feelings. A person is as complex as or as simple as their constituent form. If I was a depressed homosexual Atheist and then became a euphoric heterosexual Theist then either of these descriptions are appropriate for me at either of these points. The way I think defines how I will interact with society and for all practical purposes I am what I am at that point in time. Not part this and whole that.
Got any problems with that? It’s the concordance of feelings with thoughts that distinguishes you from your demented relative, intoxicated colleague or any crazy stranger.
Finally.
What does a body tell me when I feel homosexual?
Answer: I feel homosexual. Attracted sexually to men. Stop right there and cut out the smart talk.
Bravo, I actually don’t mind this discussion – just the fact that it’s in this thread, and therefore may eventually be pruned like others that have preceded it. If it contains worthwhile material, that may find its way into a future post.
Let’s leave the radio-wave analogy and come to the point. I am not trying to deny your feelings or tell you how you must choose to interpret them. We do have a problem of knowing what those feelings are, and how they compare to the experiences of others. For all you know, I might experience effectively the same, and interpret it differently. We can then just concentrate on rights – “Every person’s right to interpet his/her own feelings however he/she chooses.” However, and frankly, I’m not very interested in debating that. I’m focusing on the matter of how this (plausible) self-definition finds its way into public (philosophical, anatomical, psychological…) discourse.
Let’s go back to what your body “tells you”. Now, I assert that there is a distinction between the proposition “I am attracted sexually to men” and the strange one: “I feel homosexual” – what can we compare this latter one with? “I feel sick”? (I’m not poking fun.) “I feel happy”? But it’s not a physical or emotional thing in exactly those ways. So why say that your body “tells you” something, rather than just sticking to saying that you experience feelings, and those feelings lead you (and not everyone in the same boat) to particular conclusions?
It is these conclusions that I am analysing philosophically (in what you derisively call “smart talk”). I say that the concept of “homosexuality” (as opposed to empirically acceptable “same sex attractions”) is a strange (recently invented) notion that I am by no means compelled to accept on the basis of the evidence, whether from your feelings, mine or the sum total of everybody’s. I can believe in the same facts while using a different discourse. That’s what we’re doing here, and we have good reason (Islamically) to do this despite the confusion it causes some homosexualist dogmatists.
Even without a religious context I feel that your denial of ‘homosexuality’ as an identity is an effort to assimilate all homosexuals under a category that includes those who are capable of heterosexual relations but only suffer with these SSA tendencies part of the time. You need to figure out whether this would be representative of reality.
Kinsley tried to answer this question and conducted his research to that end. On what empirical basis do you base your conclusions? On the reality of the sexual map of primates or on something different?
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah!
I make my sincerest shokor to Allah to come to this blog site. It seems quite incredible to me that such sites exist for those who are struggling all the time.
I read the HOME page and was going through the ABOUT page. The earlier messages were more or less the same. Newcomers shared almost the same feelings and I was wondering to meet so many people alike me. In deed, I like this blog and hope to visit this one quite regularly.
My pleasant feelings turned into some bitter taste when I reached the “ping-pong” game between “Bravvooo” and my brother Rasheed Eldin. I could realize that there are some fanatic who doesn’t want to realize even if you show them all the evidence. I appreciate the patience of brother Rasheed. I remember the tales of Bani Israel as narrated in the Holy Quran. I don’t understand, if you do not want to abide by the laws of Islam – it’s your choice. Why to argue with others to legalise an illegal thing? The scriptures of Islam can’t be changed alike the previous ones. If you are satisfied with your “gay” lifestyle, why care what brother Rasheed says? Why waste your time to read his replies and prepare a new response? Why care?
May Allah show you the right way….(but unfortunately there are some people, whose eyes are covered)
Meh I’m gonna keep this short and sweet! I’m gay and very much proud of it. Am I gonna change my identity for islam? hell no! What is the point of living a lie and trying to rid myself of homosexuality? Why should I live a life of unhappiness!
Fawaz,
Are you not living a lie right now? What was the point of people giving up alcohol for Islam? Was alcohol not making them happy? If you’re not going to give something up for the sake of God, then for whose sake would you be willing to give it up for? Would you rather be “happy” in this life or in the eternal afterlife?
Salam.
Mujahid
Do you want to ping pong with me or what?…LOL just kidding.
Why do I care what Rasheed says? Well Islam is not a matter of “take it or leave it”.
I was no convert able to pull out without any harm done. I belong to this community. I also happen to come from a place where you will certainly be killed if you are caught in the act.
I’m appalled by this and can not pretend that I understand the logic behind it. What is your problem with homosexuality? If Rasheed belonged to some eccentric sect I wouldn’t even talk to him but he bleongs to a powerful majority and unless we argue our case we will continue to live a misearble life. All for the sake of bronze aged literature. Sorry but you can’t fool all people all the time. Some will eventually see through the emptiness of your arguments.
Any ping pong champions welcome to explain what the fuss is all about or otherwise leave your “brothers” in peace.
I have to admit I feel guilty when people feel disappointed by reading my post but this is the beauty of the internet.
Step One:
You recognise you’re not the only one with this condition. You feel happy and then…
Step Two:
You engage in discussion, tell us what you think, whatever you say will strike a chord with some lonesome thinker out there and something usefull might be borne of your discussions.
There is no point in recongizing you feel part of a larger group and spend the rest of your life feeling happy about it. You need to move on, move, move, move.
Get me?
Mujahid wrote:
“I could realize that there are some fanatic who doesn’t want to realize even if you show them all the evidence.”
What evidence ? What we’ve been doing is debating ideas not examining evidence. In fact the only time any of us brought up any evidence was when I mentioned the Kinsley studies but Rasheed simply ignored that. It is very odd that I am protrayed as the one who dodged the evidence when I was the one to ever bring any into the discussion.
Taleb
Nope – what lie am I exactly living now? I don’t understand why I should give my homosexuality for god or anyone? If you understood how distant I was from Islam maybe you’d see why i’m not going to change. I’m gay, drink alcohol, have had sex…..have never prayed in my life, have never read the qur’an etc….I just wish people would stop thinking that it’s possible to hide these feelings – it’s asking for the impossible. Meh we’re never going to agree.
Fawaz,
We probably won’t. The lie you are living is in the consequences to your actions. Brother, if you believe in something then you must truly live it. It is not impossible, there are many others who are dealing with these feelings and are leading their lives in a satisfying manner. Just because you chose not to doesn’t mean that others can’t / won’t.
All the best and may we all be guided.
Salam.
Hey.
Ive commited a homosexual act, and feel really bad about it. I’m not actually homosexual, it was just a stupid thing I did and I regret doing it. Now the guilt is killing me, and everyone people I’ve spoken to have said that if you commit an action like this you are condemned to hell – period. I want to know if this is the case, or if I can repent my sins, whatever it may take.
Thankyou.
Dear “Lost”,
Islam is very clear on the following fact: no matter what sin you have committed, the door of repentance is always open – so don’t believe anyone who thinks they know better than Allah!
{Say, O my servants who have transgressed against their own selves, do not despair of the Mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins – truly He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.} [39:54]
This means that Allah will forgive whomever He chooses whatever He wills, so what’s needed is sincere repentance to Him. You already regret what you did, now make a sincere resolve never to fall into that mistake again, and beg Allah to cover you with His mercy and keep you safe and strong as long as you live.
If you need further advice please get in touch.
What is the bigger sin – being an ‘ordinary’ gay person, or being a heterosexual paedophile?
Dear Mohammed,
That’s an interesting question, in that it highlights the problems created by words that are not properly defined. I’ll answer it insha’Allah after trying to clarify the meaning of the question and cast it in more suitable words.
First of all, remember that Islam does not teach us that people are good or bad simply for what labels hang off them: it is a person’s faith and actions that raise or debase him in this life and the next. So if by “gay”/”heterosexual” and “paedophile”/”normal” (your words!) you were only referring to internal feelings, then I’d have no reason to say that one person is better than another – if we know nothing further about them.
However, I presume that by “gay person” (or homosexual), you mean somebody who is actually carrying out homosexual acts with an adult partner-in-sin or more, and by “paedophile” you mean somebody who abuses children (and in your scenario, presumably only children of the opposite sex).
So who is worse? The true answer is that Allah knows best, and it may not be possible to generalise. If you want my opinion: I would say that the paedophile is worse because he is combining committing a perverted act with the crime of abusing a child and perhaps causing irreparable damage to that young life.
Of course, if you only asked the question rhetorically, I hope you benefited from the exercise in definitions anyway!
I have been attracted to men since i was 11. I have tried everything to turn straight i.e. prayer, fasting, groups. Nothing works. I am now 30. It is always heterosexual people who think it is easy to be straight. How patronising. They have no idea. You dont choose who you are attracted to. Just like heterosexual guys dont choose to be attracted to females. It just happens. No gay muslim would choose their lifestyle. My conclusion is that if Islam is a true religion then I would not be born gay. Hence, Islam is just another belief system as is christianity, juudaism,etc. Thyey are all founded on the beief that if you dont fit into their mould then you go to this place called hell. What a l.oad of rubbish
Mohammad,
You say you tried everything – if that’s true, and nothing worked for you, you still shouldn’t declare yourself the sole expert in this matter. Plenty of people would disagree with you, and not just ‘those ignorant heteros’ either!
I take it that you haven’t yet read much on this site, because if so you’d realise that we don’t say that people choose who they’re attracted to! But we say that people can choose what to do in life, and anyone who argues with that, well… let them make a convincing argument.
Feel free to browse and ask any questions, and perhaps later we’ll prepare an article specially to talk about some of the issues you raised in the latter part of your comment.
Rasheed,
I am glad that you recognize that sexual attraction is not a choice. Our general dialog about this matter would be much improved if everyone acknowledged this fact. You say that it is possible for people’s unwanted desires to diminish. Unless you are referring to an overall diminishing in sex drive as we age, this claim is disingenuous. There is no credible evidence that a diminishing in same sex desire has ever been achieved through any method, religious or otherwise. I challenge you to show credible research on this, not just anecdotal testimony. Personal stories are moving, but they hardly qualify as credible evidence for such a claim.
Also, not acting on same sex desire because of a textual prohibition is only feasible in theory, not practice, if our goal is to create a happy, whole, and honest human being. Humans need companionship of a kind unattainable in normal friendship. By prohibiting homosexuals, or whatever you want to call same sex attracted individuals, the hope of ever finding this much needed companionship is tantamount to unpardonable cruelty. I don’t care what you find in text or how you interpret it, because the Quran was written during a certain time period to a specific tribe of people, who’s cultural practices differed immensely from our own. If you claim that those words are timeless, that is a belief based on faith, not evidence, and it is surely your right to believe so. Not since Francis Bacon has it been acceptable in debate to present your faith based beliefs as evidence for the formation of an opinion. So if I choose to believe that all texts are living documents, and that God holds us to ever increasing standards of Just treatment of each other, and expects us as rational beings to take into account the evidence he presents to us in the experienced world, you have no right to even suggest that I am condemned for that belief. I also challenge you, without invoking the argument of faith, to explain why others who are genuinely suffering should impose your beliefs on their own lives.
Respectfully
Josef
Dear Josef,
Thanks for asking about credible research: given that we’re not a research institute, we’re not in a position to produce this for you. If other readers are aware of papers of particular interest, they’d be welcome to direct me to them and I can forward on the info. But we should note that this field of research is undoubtedly highly politicised, and I personally don’t find a great deal of benefit over arguing whether over which penguins did what to each other, or who went through traumatic experiences with one crackpot group after another and became an ex-ex-ex-ex-gay!
So while I acknowledge that anecdotal evidence will not fulfil the criteria of all discerning readers, that’s what we can offer for now – and what is research (into feelings) other than a collection of anecdotes? Our main point here is to point out the Islamic position on the issues at hand, and give direction for people who wish to live in accordance with its teachings. We say Islam teaches us to change, and so we must affirm that change is possible. Some people come and insist that it’s not possible. Well for those among us who can testify to their own experiences, such a notion doesn’t hold any water. Just because change may not be possible for everyone, that doesn’t negate its being possible in the universe at large.
As for the theological arguments, I don’t see that this page is the right place to get into them. If you were in a position of belief in the same text (and sharing an understanding with me on what we make of this text most broadly, its provenance and the steps to making it relevant to lived life), we’d have a basis to discuss some of these points fruitfully – as it is, I’m afraid there will be too much groundwork to prepare and perhaps that’s best left to some time in the future, as I do value the dialogue.
Best wishes!
I love women. Allah blessed this ummah with muslim sisters who have strength and courage to bear children, and raise them.
May Allah forgive the believing women, present and absent, past, and future. Those who are alive, those who have passed away. May he guard their chastity, and protect their honour. May he raise their status, and give them the fruits of Jannah.
Ameen,
Alhamdulillah, i’m not “gay”. and I cherish the muslim women of our ummah.
Mohamed, all I can say is: ignorance is bliss. Come down to earth dear bro. It’s all too nice and sweet over the moon up there but honestly I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t noticed the world is full of strong sisters. As if that was the problem at all!!
This begs for a counter-blog.
“Eye on homophobes.”
Yeah, cos there ain’t any gay sites on the internet(!!)
… okay. if the feeling to the same sex becomes the total barrier between Allah and the gays, why don’t the muslim gays do castration!? It will cut the chase, right?! So we don’t have any sexual feeling to ANYTHING!?
So if there is NO GAY in Islam, so it must be heterosexual OR castrated man! That’s a quite a great example to do! So no risk on celibating! No woman to be lied, and there’s just God to worship! It’s quite a solution, isn’t it?
Hey, I’m not laughing, and I’m serious when typing this! This isn’t a joke matter. Islam condemns gayness in any form. Free choice? Sure, it’s a false choice! Because there is no other choice other than being straight! What else? Woe them who’s born gay. I never have a sexual abuse but I know I’m gay since children! And I never get open up to anybody thanks to any treatment who says I’m sick and treating me like a dirty person!
And all good-deeds I would do would never COVER anything because I’m GAY! So in order to be unable to do any sin, I have to cut the abnormal, unhealthy yet natural feeling of being gay by castrating! It’s great, right? Every time I read the Holy Book I always feel to hate myself, I can’t life to be myself and what I am, as I am born with SIN!
You want to compare with people eating pork or having a wine? Okay! People make a wine! People make a ham of pork! They are outsource! But the gay feeling is from inside! And it’s an eternal dirty feeling you just can’t get rid of. Heterosexual would eventually marry, perhaps. And homosexual would have no one?
If heterosexual is naturally good and therefore created by Allah, so homosexual is naturally bad and made by devil? Masya Allah!! So, Allah just created gay man to fill the hell unless they’re castrated and celibate?
Thanks to make me feel worse than usual.
Assalamu Alaikum
I am a nineteen-year-old muslim. In reacent years I have started to think that I have a tendency towards men. At first side, I did not understand that this is an attraction. But as time passed I completely understood that I am a SSA muslim. I am not sorry, depressed or in bad situation because of being a SSA muslim. Because Allah (cc) gave me what I have inside me. I not responsible for having it. But I am very sorry, depressed for living a gay life for 8 months when I did very bad things that a muslim mustn’t even think of, including betraying to a community which tries to live Islam according to Qur’an and Sunnah in depth. I am seeking Allah’s forgiveness for this act of mine and trying to rejoin that community. But I am failing again and again. I want to put a end to this gay life and just be a good muslim throughout my life. I do not care being married, having children or what my family or relatives say, I just care what Allah says on the Judgement Day. I am ready to do everything to put a end to this and lead a life of real muslim even if it should be in solitude. I know it will be full of hardships. At first, to lead such a life seemed very hard for me because I was alone. But know, as I have learned that there are others like me and even some others who achieved this purpose I am no longer weak. I think this thing inside me is a trust that Allah gave me and I must take care of it. I think we, SSA muslims, are speacial, different from other people, have a dawa from birth and If we can be patient and endure it our gift will be greater than the others’.
Assalamu Alaikum
Wa alaikum as-salam brother,
Welcome to our site and please accept my apologies for the delay in approving your comment. Hope to hear more from you…
Mr. “Rizwan”… and everyone who thinks along these lines, that celibacy is a burden… I feel sorry for you. You are so close to truly understanding and succeeding in the idea that Allah SWT does not give us a burden we cannot handle, and you let your selfishness get in the way. Religion is all about preventing this self-interest, this clinging to desires that satisfy only you. Religion, any of the major religions in this world, exist largely to get people to recognize a larger self, to let go of their selfish desires and put the well being of others before themselves, and this may be why so many religions prohibit homosexuality. You think that you can’t handle being celibate all your life? This is ridiculous. Please expand your narrow mind and realize that this is truly a laughable “burden.” Why don’t you go whine to a child in a refugee camp whose entire family has been killed? A mother who watched her child die in her arms? Why don’t you go tell it to someone who stepped on a land mine and lost both their legs? Someone who was born without arms? Do you think these people have lighter burdens than you do? Do the people we recognize as heroes allow their burdens to inhibit them from leading a productive, religious, and/or compassionate life? You can be celibate and live. Or you can change. Even in your hardship, Islam has provided you with options, there is no reason for you to feel trapped. Muslims fast to recognize these things, that there are people in the world worse off than you. Fasting teaches you to be happy with what you have. Fasting and celibacy go hand in hand. Perhaps this is really the best path for someone with such unchecked self-interest as yourself.
In addition, gender relations in Islam have been obfuscated enough in recent years by both internal and external forces. At this point in time, we all need to work together to uphold, support, and communicate what Islam’s true teachings on gender are, those of a harmonious equality between men and women that creates a productive, moral, conscious and peaceful society. Contrary to the perceptions of one who may follow Western media, Islam is a religion well-equipped to deal with whatever obstacles are flung in it’s path, and make no mistake, it is a straight path (pun not intended…). Inshallah, the Muslim Ummah will be able to resolve the burden which “Gay Muslims” impose upon us as a whole.
Amena’s argument hints obliquely, and probably unintentionally, at a more fundamental aspect of this conflict between homosexuality-itself an identity non-existent before psychiatrists invented it in the late 19th century. Before psychiatry, gay people existed, but their preference for the same gender was not considered a central aspect of their personality, one did not concern themselves with identifying a gay, they concerned themselves with identifying someone who had same sex desires and acted on them, a subtle difference, and no less oppressive and ignorant-and larger societal change driven by macroeconomic factors that have torn asunder the delicate and complex structure of all societies, not just that of Muslims, but of everyone. People, especially us westerners, have become obsessed with the concept of self and self actualization. Industrialism and the associated commodification of everything including human life, as well as its massive proliferation of material possessions (in the USA and Western Europe, the average descendant of peasants lives better than Royalty 500 years ago could ever have dreamed) has fundamentally changed our relationship with piety. Since we no longer require a cohesive family unit to survive materially, the concept of family and its associated obligations has been cast aside with astonishing speed and heedlessness. All of us are dealing at some level with the feelings of aimlessness that accompany the lessening dependence we have on each other. A village on the edge of survival cannot say live and let live if a gay man decides to leave his wife and family and go live with another man. But a bustling city of 6 million takes no interest.
We once depended on the teachings contained in our religious texts to maintain a cohesive society. In fact, written language and codification of rules was an innovation introduced by the Abrahamic people in response to the transition to agrarian society that necessitated something more accurate than oral tradition to organize and distribute resources.
All of this has led, I think we can all agree, to a lack of piety. But it is not just on the part of the non-religious. My experience as US citizen has been that here many people who claim to be faithful pray to be seen praying. That is an equal if not greater blasphemy than to have doubts.
People have lost the sense of reverence instilled by their ancient rituals, ones which beg the lord to have mercy on us and maintained people’s sense of awe and wonder at an inexplicable, perfect, and powerful universe far beyond their own comprehension. What simple and inelegant words can say is only the puny comprehension of our insignificant, selfish, and insular human minds. To waste one’s time worrying about the lives and behaviors of others rather than personal shortcomings and the wonder of creation speaks to me of the worst possible perversion of divine word, which regardless of where it is sourced, entreats us first to worry about what we do that makes us unfit to be in the presence of God and after we have perfected all that is wrong from within, to cast our judgment upon others. We can never be perfect, we must continually be cleansed of our own evil, and therefore cannot cast judgment. God alone may cast us out of his sight, no action we may take can cast others from the sight of God. If I forbid my brother from the holy places and community in which we both worship God for his actions, the guilt is on my insolent and imperfect head, for I have presumed to both know the mind of God and defiantly claimed to be acting out his will. Who am I to say that I know what that is?
To tie this long and rambling post together, I state that it is my opinion that a true lasting faith, one that favors reverence and piety as well as wonder that God is so much greater than we can even comprehend, endures beyond the pressures of industrialization, changing economies, and rising standard of living. A faith based on imposing behavioral standards on others and following what everyone else is doing necessarily degenerates either into the cynical philosophies of either ‘self actualization’ or gaudy displays of public faith, and whoring out the images of God and the prophets for societal gain. If you have found a way to reconcile your faith and homosexuality between you and God, it is not for me to question that, however you do so. Amena says that celibacy is the only option for gay Muslims, and I hope that works for him, but I don’t see how the actions of other gay Muslims should impose a burden on Muslims as a whole. You are more than welcome to pose questions to me regarding what choices I make, but so long as I cause you no harm, I ask you not to judge me. I can defy the will of God, but I cannot harm his plan for the world, he is more powerful than me or you, and I am just as likely to drink the oceans dry as I am to pose a burden on those who’s faith is strong, so I will leave the final judgment up to him.
-Josef
ASA
I have been reading this blog from the beginning and was wondering are there any GAY Muslim Sisters who’ve been struggling with this? I see and perhaps i am wrong but if not all the postings on here are from Muslim Men.
ASA
Salam brother Rasheed
Thank you so much for making this blog. I am a sister struggling with SSA. Brother, like the person above mentioned, there are no sisters writing for this blog and I would like to ask if you would like to have sisters write for it? I would like to contribute some of my thoughts and experiences in struggling with SSA as a sister. If you agree please let me know and contact me. I will try to check this blog again soon for your reply.
Hello everybody! To everyone posted their comment…
Let me say that I ran into this blog on the off chance, and I must say that I find it a pretty good forum for Muslim homosexuals, be they women or men. There’s a lot of contention and different important standpoints and I like this “brains struggle”.
1- I read all the comments in that page and let me make some straight ones. Through reading, I noticed that there are some bigoted commentators who stick to their guns, especially ping-pong players, lol. Mr. Fight4life, you are really impressive, you did well to choose to struggle than to give up. At least, this is what gays should do when things aren’t still clear. Mr. Bravooo, you opened a blaze on the page and you make an excellent fighter. I see that you’re trying to convince gays through your arguments to live as the way they are created. I agree and disagree with you at the same time. You’ll understand why!
2- Mr. Racheed -the owner of this blog- (if I’m not quite mistaken), you are a patient person as far as I see, but I’m disappointed when you dumped the discussion with Mr. Bravooo. You opened this blog to guide misled gays but not to leave them in the mud struggling, otherwise what’s the import of that blog. Your views, or rather you (with all due respect of course) seem to be subjective, i.e., you rely on Quor’an more than science though I do believe, thank God, that Islam is a scientific religion just not so on this matter as far as I can see. For you, gays aren’t supposed to live their own life according to what God said, period and without any further analysis.
3- Mr. Taleb Haqq in comment (13): You talked about wine and eating pork. It boggles the mind really. How could you state that homosexuality is forbidden as pork and wine? What sounds logical is that the three of them are kinds of temptation, but there’s a clean break dear bro. We all can drink wine and eat pork, and it forbidden for everybody, whereas homosexuality is a kind of natural sexual desire exactly as heterosexuality (on the grounds of its natural being only) but it is forbidden ONLY for some. You must be right if you said that wine and pork are proscribed as sex. This way, proscription is for everybody, and this would be fair.
4- Mr. Mohammad in comment (56): People who are not involved or affected should help or do nothing. Your whole comment is neither here nor their. You really drove me up a wall in your last sentence: -Alhamdulillah, I’m not “gay”- As though it is a sin to be gay or it is a damned thing or gays are no more than a piece of… Your comment harms more than it helps. However; I appreciated your sweet words to the Muslim women cus they deserve it but still I hate the first.
5- Mrs. Amena in comment (63): Your talk is really nice and influential. People don’t think the same way as you do. Considering other harder problems to erase one’s is an excellent way to think that there are those who suffer more than gays. Disabled people, for instance, those armless cannot live their sexual love life though they really want it. But then again, I have to pick some holes in your comment. Gays and, for example, disabled people or the woman who lost her child, etc. seem to be alike for all of them suffer indeed unpleasant experiences, but they are still different from gays. Their state is desperate by far because they can do nothing for themselves. The armless man can never get arms. The woman who lost her child can’t bring him/her back. But gays can live their life freely and this how their state stands out. People (Muslims) will disapprove, they can move to Canada for example where they can combine religion and an unfettered lifestyle.
6- Mr. Rizwan in comment (18): Like we say, you hit the nail on the head. Really this verse didn’t come to my mind. Why did God state that one should not burden himself with what it cannot handle and gays are supposed to live a celibate life? Normally this verse should be scrutinized unless it is used in a different context.
7- Mr. Joseph in comment (64): I figure you’re Christian or Jewish. Nice what you stated, by the way, you awe me an eye drip for all that long comment I read, lol. You found it a tad too odd to learn that gay actions impose a burden to Muslims as a whole. Well! This is the Majesty that is Islam. Muslims do try to correct each other’s mistakes and do care about each other to live a good life as a group. Just as when your feet hurt, all your body feels bad that you have to heal them to feel good. This is why bro.
Salam,
May Allah reward you immensely for your blog. Discussion of homosexuality is often avoided by Muslims, and seeking a solution for it is seen as unacceptable. We should change this approach and try to help our Muslim brothers & sisters.
Please remember us in your dua’
Salam dear brother A.N.
I don’t understand what you mean by “natural desire” as I believe that same-sex attractions are as a result of conditions that a person go through be it in their family environment or different situations that they may have endured. Homosexual activities are actually forbidden for everyone not just some…as are any sort of sexual activities outside of marriage even if they are heterosexual…
I think at the end we all agree that pork, wine, and any activity of sex outside of marriage are all forbidden in Islam.
Dear Brother Taleb Haqq,
I posted on your blog once but I dont see my comment anywhere.But anyways.
First of all,you say that homosexuality is not natural.The word natural is,philosophically,debatable.Secondly it is accepted by every body of psychiatry and psychology,including American Psychiatric Association(since 1973) that homosexuality doesnt fit the criterio of mental disorder or being the result of ‘ONLY’ conditioning and surrounding enviroment.From genetists to psychiatrists,a large body unanimously agress that homosexuality might have atleast half the genetic factor in it.And we know that genes cant be controlled.That is the sicentific view.Now if after this scientific revelation,you dont agree that Quran has any chance of being re-interpreted in a liberal sense,then two sciences are contradicting i.e Quran and mundane sciences.
I would love to debate with you.Please do contact me at dragon_heart_70@hotmail.com.I also run a blog at usmann.wordpress.com which deals with human rights issues to social issues to gay issues.
Thanks.
Salam dear brother Usmann. I beg to differ, it is NOT accepted by “everybody”. Most people in the world do NOT accept homosexual actions as OK. So, if the APA accepts homosexuality as not a mental disorder and not “only” a result of conditioning…what exactly does that mean? It certainly doesn’t mean that Islam is OK with it. Ethically, the majority of the medical professionals seem to be OK with a “woman’s right to choose” whether or not to abort a baby if she feels like it. Does that make it scientifically OK? And should that then cause us to “reinterpret” the Qur’an?
Hello,
I am a Muslim who struggles with same sex attraction. I have never acted on my attraction with another male. Please excuse me if my question is inappropriate, is watching gay pornography and masturbation/self anal stimulation considered a homosexual act. My question is whether I am considered one of the individuals who has not committed the act since I have never had sex with another man. Or whether commiting the act to myself is the same. I know that doing the act myself is wrong and disturbing and I wish everyday when I wake up never to do it again. However, my soul is weak and I struggle so much with this. A few weeks ago I decided to lose my virginity to a random girl only to rid myself of my same sex attractions. The experience was difficult as I had trouble perfoming. I am 26 and really want to get married and have children. I try every second not to think of the same sex attractions and I know they are wrong but even when I tell myself they are wrong I still think of them and watch pornography, It is like their is a shield in my head that when I say it is wrong it tells me to do it just one last time or that it is not so bad since I am only pleasing myself with no other person involved. My problem is that I can date back to being around 7 when I had same sex attractions. Please help me get rid of this disease in my mind that haunts me every second of my life. It is so sad that I have to go through this because it seems I have two lives, the happy amazing life with my amazing family that know nothing about my same sex attractions and the second life which is the unhappy me that thinks of same sex attraction almost every 5 minutes. Is it still considered repenting if you know something is wrong and feel guilty for doing it but still do it? I don’t know what is written for me but inshallah my struggle and the mercy of Allah will allow me to enter heaven in the afterlife. It would be a blessing if someone may at least ease my struggle by letting me know how I can make my attractions be only towards the opposite sex. I think that this is my only chance now to work on this as I still do feel attracted to girls some times but thinking of them sexually is sometimes difficult. I am sorry that my post is all over the place but this is the first time in my life I ever speak of this to anyone and so I just kept writing what is on my mind. Also, I appologise deeply if my questions and story may be too liberal and are sins in Islam (even sins that do not relate to homosexuality) but I am a Muslim who has not been practising by the book as I drink and gamble at times. I do, however, want to make it clear that I also do know that these are sins and that they are wrong and everyday work on ridding my sould of these temptations and would like so much to be a proper Muslim and inshallah I will give all these up very soon. It is just very difficult in the society I am surrounded by and my family is also very secular. I don’t see this as an excuse and this is why I am working on becoming a stronger Muslim. Please help me with my main issue though and refrain from commenting on the fact that I am a liberal Muslim as I really want to focus on my biggest struggle of same sex attraction. Thank you
Not directed at anyone’s statement in particular. Just a general comment I would like to make, seeing that this comment thread has run since 2006.
I would simply like to re-iterate the following conclusions after 18 years of trying to reconcile my homosexuality with what others tell me about Islam and homosexuality.
– Gay identity is a socially invented term, started in the West for particular reasons, does not simply have an equal construction in the Islamic world. Therefore, I do not consider myself gay, because it implies I have a certain set of values, which I do not.
– Homosexual desires are not choices. I do not choose to live a life that is far more difficult and painful than my heterosexual Muslim brothers and sisters. To suggest otherwise, that I am choosing a “lifestyle” because it suits me, is doing a great disservice to truth and Allah.
– On the day of judgement, we shall see who is right.
And I am really looking forward to it.
Homosexuality is not a decease…and if it was…it would be cured by medical technics not religious ones. Homosexuality is not a behavior or a “kind of moral conduct”. Homosexuality is a sexual orientation just like Heterosexuality and Bisexuality. Homosexuality isn’t against nature and is not related with abortion at all! A homosexual man or women feels sexual attraction for a member of the same sex just like a straight women or man feels towards a person of the opposite sex. They are at the same level. I am gay. Not because I fall in “lust” for men…or because I have temptations or because I’m just sinful. I am gay or homosexual if you guys prefer because I was born with a feeling inside my brain which I start to discover when I was around 10 years old. And it became stronger with puberty just like a straight men. quoting passages from the Quran is useless because the Quran talks about man on man sex calling it a lustful deriving sin. Guess what? I don’t feel lust for man. What I feel is much bigger and complex than that. I feel sexual and emotionally attracted by men like a straight man would feel towards a women. I’m in love right now with the most handsome and intelligent man in the world and We are in a 6 years old relationship. We are planning to marry one day…cause we migrated to other country so that we could live in peace. Cause what I realized is that homosexuality provokes anger not in Allah but in men! Where is love there is Allah. We are finally planning to buy the home of our dreams so that we can live together. I think I’m a good person and don’t drink alcohol I don’t smoke I don’t use drugs, in fact I’m a vegetarian, sometimes I do a lot of charity to secular organizations. I became an activist for human causes. . Really…at this stage of my life…I don’t care any more about ignorance, prejudice incomprehension and hell threats…but I do care when I see teenagers being really mistreated by others because of their sexual orientation. About gay men who turned straight? I don’t believe in those. They may avoid having sex with other man…They may marry a women but they will still be lying about themselves. And we must not forget about the degrees of homosexuality and heterosexuality as well! it’s important. I’m 100% gay I assure you people. if I can remember I think I have never had a “straight” feeling in my brain…(don’t remember very well). So…to the ignorants…please…grab a book! a science book ok? a psychology book or something…to the ones who don’t believe in sexual orientation? please! go inform yourselves or go to sex education classes…to the ones who think being gay is a choice? the same thing…To the ones who feel hatred against homosexuals? go to therapy! cause hatred and homophobia are the real feelings who can be learned. not sexual orientation! To gays who post comments? please…live your life, feel secure about your self. Don’t fall in promiscuity, don’t abuse of drugs, don’t even think about suicide! learn to love your self and others around you cause the way you are is the way Allah created you. Don’t forget that you are not alone! Instead of visiting web sites like “straight struggle or something” consult web sites made by people who understand you and who can help you feel better about yourself. Search for friends! not for haters! there’s a lot of Muslims who call themselves “principled and compassionate” who are nothing but wolfs dressed like sheep’s! Courage my friends! this is the only life we have and life is short! Why would Allah punish you for loving? why?? Isn’t He all merciful? Go ahead and be brave! If you are in a secret relationship? it’s really bad but pretending you are something that your aren’t is even worse. Parent problems? I had them…but I talked so many times with them I explained things so well…and now they are finally more comprehensive about me…Just to finish…. “eye on gay Muslims” ?!?! brother you better choose another name cause it’s damn scary! good bye PS: Sorry if wrote any error cause I’m not English
“No name” – the best advice I can offer is to sign up to the Straight Struggle Yahoogroup, for which details have been posted above several times: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
You can do so anonymously, and your confidentiality is respected.
Mohammed – You commented on identity, and I agree with you. Then on desires, and I agree with you (though not absolutely). What you refrained from mentioning are ACTIONS, which are the things most relevant to a discussion on what Islam forbids or permits.
Davi – you have brought up lots of points in your passionate comment, so I won’t try to answer all in my reply, not least because they are mostly covered in other posts throughout the blog.
I don’t lack understanding of the concept of “orientation”, but I dispute it intellectually. Even if I grant you that it’s as you claim, that doesn’t change my religious opinions on what ACTIONS are permissible in the sight of Almighty God. And by the way, it’s strange to accuse others of closed minds when you have freely admitted that you won’t believe those people who say they have changed their “orientation”!
Assalamualikum,
I have done a lot of searching on Islam and homosexuality and found two types of groups:
1. Those who say I will go to Hell because I’m gay
2. Those who say homosexual sex is perfectly acceptable
You guys seem to be a more moderate group who reconcile Islam’s principle of modesty and chastity, with its tolerant and all-inclusive message.
I plan on visiting you more often.
Regards
I think much of this discussion centers on two points.
1) These feeling ought to be seen as a test by Allah azza wa jall and so one should persevere.
2) A person may feel attracted to those of one’s own sex, but to ACT on these feelings is impermissible according to the majority of Muslim scholars (old and new).
1a) Here’s the odd thing – I, who has homosexual feelings towards other men, remember my first attraction so vividly that sometimes even I cannot believe it. I was 9 and was attracted to a young bus driver on my route from school to home! I would be eager to see him and once on the bus would sit on a seat from where I could see him in the mirrors. I am sure that at the time I didn’t perceive that these feelings sprung from some latent sexual urge, but in retrospect I can see it for what it was – a young boy’s infatuation with an older man. Now what kind of test begins at 9 for heaven’s sake?
1b) What’s more, the bus-driver “adventure” was an initial sensation that became embedded in my psyche – and at the time I wasn’t even aware of the full implications of it – talk about being shortchanged: a test was being set up for me by building up a reserve of homoerotic feelings (which, not realizing what they were I was unable to resist). Then, when I had matured a little and was freaked out by suddenly identifying these sensations for what they were, I was suddenly initiated into a “test”. And unlike other tests – the test for heterosexuals for example – mine was one for which I could expect little guidance except: ‘it’s a sin’.
1c) For heterosexuals the guidance is get married because the urge itself is pure and should be fulfilled within marriage. My urge on the other hand was deemed foul and the ACT to which it directed, as a major sin. Thus in my psyche sex was tainted unlike for heterosexuals for whom it is all pure (with only one stipulation: do it inside marriage). Hence more enlightened guidance like, get married and these urges will be less powerful was an option already problematic because my sexual urge, which came more “naturally” than my concerted effort to make myself have heterosexual urges, was represented to me as the was’wasa of shytaan. That bearing down on me meant that the sexual act was always fraught with tension such that all the conflict in me screamed even loudly my feelings of being GAY! The more I resist being Gay the more gay I am! — QUITE A TEST!
2a) Okay lets assume it is a test and that the feeling is something for which I am not held accountable But isn’t it odd that the very set up of a social life in Islam is centered around segregation. This means that I never really get a chance to lower my gaze, to limit the chances I have of interacting with men (as would be the case between men and women). I mean I could theoretically walk around in a masjid and elsewhere constantly looking at the floor and refrain from having friends (or would that apply only to having attractive friends?!) – but how doable is this? My point is that this “test” is unlike other tests because our entire set up actually heightens the problem and does not facilitate us out of it or minimize it. I can be making wudu trying very hard to concentrate on my spirituality and then, look up and see a man with his sleeves and trousers rolled up, the hairs on his arms and legs dripping with water, his shirt a little clinging to him because it is wet in places and suddenly catch myself lost in a moment of sexualism, and have to say, as’taghfirullah. Now you may say a heterosexual man finds himself in these situations too but surely you can appreciate that my position is worse because I am in a segregated masjid (note: I am not calling for masajid to NOT be segregated). The point is, the test (assuming it is a test) is not only hard (one of the hardest I’m sure) but one that plagues my religiosity. How can I be in a circle of friends as I was recently listening to a sheikh and yet be battling to not look in a particular direction at a young man who caught my eye? Is this not a burden?
2b) When almost every other gay Muslim talks about suicide, is this not reaching the outer limits of burdensome-ness? I too have been plagued in the past by depression and thoughts of suicide. I never did it because I love my parents too much and they would be devastated to have their only son die. I also think I am a coward and think it takes some guts to kill yourself. I am also a breadwinner and so wondered what would happen to those who rely on my income (although, in the most tawakul sense, Allah would provide no doubt). But it is a burden that I sometime think I cannot bear. I suppose you will say, my being here means I can bear it after all – though that seems neatly self serving.
I feel at this point I should tell you a little bit about myself – I am involved in da’wah, I have lots of friends (some of whom I know I am attracted towards, but then that’s my test right?) with whom I always talk about how to improve the Muslim situation politically, socially and intellectually. I believe in the creed of Ahlul’Sunnah Wal’Jammah – although the “gay” problem plagues my mind. I attend many circles too. I feel myself as being in many ways a paradox, but I have learnt for the most part to live with it. I will get married – and in this respect I will coerce myself to be bisexual, I will please her in every way I can and will love her with all my heart. I have invested myself in other parts of my identity – A muslim activist, an aspiring Muslim academic (doing my PhD currently), hoping to do some psychotherapy courses – and simply say, that although I do not understand why Allah made me this way I will ask Him when I get an opportunity insha’Allah.
As for your blog, I understand what you’re trying to do, and wish you all the best with it but cannot bring myself to feel that you have “the” or “any” answers.
Wassalaam.
Salaam brother,
You have made a lot of interesting and valid points, while there are plenty of things I don’t agree with based upon my own considerations and study not only of the scriptures, but the realities. I wouldn’t suggest that we here have all the answers, but I think that responding to a few of your points may help you on the path towards Allah as long as you keep an open mind to what I’m saying.
My concern with some people’s arguments with us is that they’re not making clear their intention. If you disagree with us yet still strive to obey Allah by avoiding homosexual activity, which is forbidden (“majority opinion” is an understatement) – then really our debate is academic so I don’t worry. What does bother me is if it’s just a screen for the person to justify their actions. (“Nobody really understands so I’ll do as I like, and I’m sure God will understand.”) I actually don’t believe that this describes you, so I’m sorry for suggesting it but I wanted to underline this problem.
Firstly, describing SSA as a test is a theological point, which doesn’t remove it from being other types of phenomena, e.g. a psychological issue. Yes that can start as young as 9 or even less, and there are kids who (for whatever reason, including abuse) are sexualised even younger than that. Don’t make out that your test is the worst of all, as I’m sure a little thought will lead you to realise there are little children around the world now suffering the tests of poverty, malnutrition, disease and disability.. even though theologically we will state again that the *accountability* for your actions begins at the age of maturity.
True, our societies don’t provide much help – practically or through advice – for people with this test. But that is only a sign that people like us, who understand the matter more deeply, need to do something to improve this situation.
In order to keep my response brief for now, I’ll just point out that your first hurdle is a conceptual one. Rather than labelling yourself (even privately) as “gay”, just consider yourself to be a Muslim who has this problem (same-sex attraction, SSA) to be patient over until Allah provides him with the solution. Sincerity is the key to every good.
I wish you all the best brother, and please do stay in touch.
If anyone is still monitoring this forum, I would like to ask a question as an outsider: What is the origin and meaning or the word Islam?
Hello Josef,
The linguistic meaning (in Arabic) of “Islam” is submission, i.e. to the will of the Creator. It carries the root meanings of peace and wholeness, which are the results of this wilful submission.
What we refer to by “Islam” is the religion revealed in the Qur’an and taught by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be on him).
Thanks for the clear and concise clarification! It’s difficult for people like me with no background to really grasp at all the nuanced aspects of the Islamic religion.
If you would, I have another question: Is the meaning contained in the Qur’an arrived at through the explicit meanings of the words or through the enlightenment achieved through the recitation of poetic verse? I ask this because I know that my own Abrahamic tradition, Christianity, has suffered a great deal because of those who disembody the verse contained in the bible and use it as a source for quotes to tell people they are wrong. I have been told that Muslims have retained the role that recitation, the effect of creating words from air and meaning from the rhythmic vocalization, plays in bringing a person closer to god.
I have noticed that no one on this site is quoting disembodied verse from the Qur’an. I find it refreshing.
Thanks for your question, Josef. Reciting the Qur’an is indeed the right way to experience its essence, along with the written text. At the same time, meanings depend upon the text itself, which is revealed in the Arabic language, and interpreted by anyone who is willing and able to achieve specialisation in that field. That is not to say that ordinary people cannot appreciate the general meanings of the Qur’an, but deriving rulings requires specialisation just as any worldly occupation does, such as medicine.
I hope that helps, and best wishes.
You can paint a zebra brown, but when it rains, it will still be a zebra. Telling someone they must be heterosexual when they clearly are not is beyond cruel. That is what is “unnatural.” Same-gender attraction, sexuality and even long-term relationships have been documented among many dozens of animal species. So, you want someone to be miserable all his (or her) life, enter a sham marriage in which neither party is happy, all because of some words written some 2,000 years ago, when people thought the world was flat and knowledge of the origins of sexual orientation was non-existent?
How about this — live your own life. Stop telling others that God wants them to be heterosexual when they aren’t. God probably has a few larger concerns – like wars started by men, the oppression of women by men, and humanity’s general tendency to destroy the planet, his creation, in record time. This isn’t 5 B.C. People and ideas evolve.
Since you are clearly ignorant and malignant towards our religion, there is no point arguing with someone so closed-minded.
I said absolutely nothing about your religion. And, let’s get this straight (no pun intended), YOU are calling someone else closed-minded? Wow. That’s interesting.
Here’s the deal. Men have always used (or misused) religion to control others. You can wish and wish and wish that gay people didn’t exist, but we do. We pay taxes, we contribute to society, many of us live our lives in a way that is very similar to most others of a rational bent. And it’s actually a conservative value to support monogamous relationships. But, have your Web site. Feel like the king of the world decrying “those people.” But adhering to an old way of thinking just because you believe it to be true, doesn’t make it so.
And, by the way, I live in a democracy and since I have been respectful, I’d appreciate the same courtesy. All my best.
You have not been respectful; rather you suggested that our religious view is merely “all because of some words written some 2,000 years ago” – or suggesting our Prophet (peace be upon him) was ignorant about something you are enlightened about. Genetics don’t change morality.
http://gaymuslims.org/2006/05/29/genetics-and-morality/
You said “Stop telling others that God wants them to be heterosexual when they aren’t” – while if you’d bothered to read the site, you’d know we don’t say that.
“But adhering to an old way of thinking just because you believe it to be true, doesn’t make it so.”
Nor does doing something because it feels good. Good day, respectful man.
“Genetics don’t change morality.” Why don’t you just say, “I want to continue to judge people for being gay, so I’m going to.” That’s all it amounts to. And where, exactly, does “our religious view” get you?
Someone should stay celibate or enter into what will be an empty, false relationship, all because you interpret some religious writings as being against gay relationships? People should be free to live their lives. Period. How about the religious value of not judging others, lest ye be judge yourself? No one is perfect. But being gay doesn’t make one good or bad. We should be judged on how we treat others. Nothing more, nothing less. So you have a wife? Good for you. Is that worth an extra smile from God when you enter heaven? I don’t think so. He loves us all.
We made it clear in the post at the top what this site is about. We speak to people who care what Islam says, and those who identify themselves as Muslims. For anyone who doesn’t give a stuff, just get on with your own life, I’m not stopping you.
Aslaam.
Just wanted to say i have read this blog much interest and found it very refreshing. I am ‘Gay’, British Asian (Pakistani) and Muslim. I have no issues being muslim and gay. This is who i am and i am very happy. I certainly do not want to be straight – why would I? My father is a retired Imaam and i have 3 brothers, we were all brought up the same way but i’m the gay one. I came out to them when i was only 15 and now im 25.
They are not homophobic, ignorant or prejudice. I am still their son/brother and they still love me. I am sure they would prefer i was straight but that’s life.
It’s about time the muslim community woke up an dealt with this issue. At the end of the day people should grow up and mind their own business. Who cares if you’re gay – so what?? How does it affect your life? My faith is between me and Allah and not with the rest of you. I have plenty of muslim friends who know i am gay and have no issue with it. Some people are fat, thin, black, white, gay, straight, tall and short. We are all human and children of Adam (PBUH), so lets just get on living and Allah will decide our future.
Being gay is not an illness or a choice as many homophobic people would like to think, and we are not all screaming queens! I have straight friends who are effifinate. It really annoys me when people stereotype being gay as someone who is immoral, effiminate and spread disease. I certainly am not immoral, effiminate and or disease-ridden.
I was saddened to hear stories of guys/girls supressing their feelings and emotions and contemplating suicide. You should not have to go through this – yes it’s hard, don’t i know it coming from a family who are Imaams! Lol! I will definately be keeing my queer eye on this blog!
very interesting blog!
Salaam,
I am so glad that I found this website, its something which I can relate to after having determined that I have SSA. I’d like to share my story with all the readers.
From as young as I can remember, back in school, I have always been attracted to boys and never girls, it was just something which I couldn’t understand back then. Then when I moved to secondary school, my best friend came out as “gay” the abuse he recieved made me all the more determined to hide the fact that I was also attracted to boys. To me it seems like I have struggled with these feelings for ever, they only began to affect me more emotinally and mentally during my teenage years and young adult life. I struggled to make sense of it, I knew that Allah had said it was wrong, I knew the majority of society thought it was wrong, but then why did I feel like that? why couldn’t I be “normal”? What grave sin had I commited to be punished like this? I knew that I would never ever want to be with man, it was just these feelings that I needed to control. So I decided to try and turn myself straight, this introduced me to the world of pornography and ended up having a more adverse effect then I had imagined. I became addicted to pornography, gay pornography and I was still having SSA. I was never as religious as I would have liked, always reading the odd namaz and keeping a fast, but not as religious as I needed to be.
I never told a single soul that I was having these feelings, as I knew that my family would never understand and more than likely I would be expelled from the family due to shame. As the days, months, years went on my battle to save myself kept failing, I was sinking furthur and furthur into despair. I always blamed Allah for what I was, he had made me like that, he had given me these feelings even though he had said it was wrong. But the one thing I could never understand was why. Again I would turn my attention to the internet hoping to find answers to my questions, but like always I would always come across the two extreme sides of the Islam and homosexuality debate. The one side where the scholars would all agree that I was going to burn in hell for these feelings, and the other end where it was ok to be muslim and gay even though we were a minority. I began to harbour towards the “its ok to be gay” group, I guess it was to me seeming like I belonged somewhere, I had a label. I was GAY. But deep down I didn’t want to be that, I knew it was wrong, I knew that there had to be more to it. Countless nights I would cry myself to sleep, hating myself, thinking about how I could end all this. I even thought about suicide, but I couldn’t take a life over which Allah had full control.
The hardest part was trying to keep a straight face and live my life as normally as possible in the real world, whereas inside I was a dead soul living. I found it difficult to get through each day, the number of times I thought about spilling my secret out, just so that my guilt of feeling like this could be easier, but I could never manage. I was from a young age told by my mum and other members of the family that I was like a girl, my behaviour was feminine like. I struggled to hide these feminine attributes and try to make myself more masculine. Hoping that no one would notice if the odd attribute slipped out. I eventually became a recluse, both socially and from my family. I would always spend time just locked up in my room, being on my own. It was somehow easier to deal with it all. Whereas all the time, my SSA was still there stronger than ever and my addiction to pornography just getting stronger by the day.
This Ramadhan (2009) was when it all changed, I vowed to myself that I was going to become more closer to Allah, and hopefully he will help me through my problems. I kept all the fast, prayed all my namazs and for the first time, I read the Quran in a language I could understand. I read about how merciful, forgiving the Lord is, these sections touched me, often leaving me in tears. I read about stories of the hardships faced by prophets, mine seemed miniscule in comparison. I emerged from Ramadhan a much stronger person mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I kept up prayers and Quran recitation hoping to find some answers. Then I stumbled across this website and realised what it was all about. I know for a fact that Allah led me to this website after all my duas to him to cure me etc, but I have finally got the answers I needed, I can start living my life like I need to. I know that one day my parents will want me to get married, I’m not ready to get married and don’t think I will be able to. But that is something I will deal with when the time comes.
I admire all the work that has been put into this site and this hardship faced by plenty of people around the world. I was glad to find other people with similar stories to mine. I pray it goes from strength to strength and more people are helped by it as a result. May Allah commend you for your efforts. More needs to be done to tackle this subject in the Muslim faith, many scholars and members of the community just want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it doesn’t exist and hope it will sort out by itself. I can’t believe the lack of information on such a pressing, and current subject which is affecting so many people, I think so many people could find the answers required just by coming across sites like these. Hopefully Allah will help allow this topic to become less of a taboo in our society and we can be more open about it and help overcome it. Ameen
Thank You.
I love this site, I agree with you Rasheed!
I put your link on my website..
I’m from Indonesia, and I have a blog that support people who are struggling with their homosexuality…just visit it…
Thanks…
Just found this sight. I’ve been looking for answers. I converted from Catholicism to Islam when I was 14 years old. I was very practing in the deen and inquisitive for 4 years, and then I don’t know what happen. I left, but idk Islam is still in my heart and in my beliefs. Today was an akward day I was at In and Out and I was about to leave. As I was getting up this guy started talking to me and some how we started talking about Islam. I was trying to remember and think back. This guy even got me to recite Al fatiha. It was difficult because I haven’t discussed Islam or tried explaining Islam to anyone in a long time. I thought at first the guy was trying to pick up on me, but after we departed I thought to myself that in a way he kind of reminded me of myself when I was younger. Looking for the deen of Allah. I’m 20 now. Lately I’ve been trying to fight my desires and once and a I’ll start praying like at 2am bcuz I can’t sleep and I’ll fall asleep on my prayer rug. I go online at night like tonight looking for a cure because I know this life is an illusion. I think what happened tonight at In and Out was duwah unto me even though the guy was Catholic. I still question if it was really angel Gabriel. And to those other muslim struggling with themselves. Your not alone and Love all my brothers and sisters. Masalaama
Thank you Antonio, may Allah guide your path and protect you.
real gay sex, online gay sex, watching gay porno…..in the struggle towards controlling real gay sex if some one relies on watching porno or doing online sex ….how far it is justified according to Islam?
Minal, for an authoritative answer to this question you should consult a qualified scholar.
We do know that a greater harm can be avoided by resorting to a lesser one, but the question is whether those things you mentioned are a reasonable resort, compared – for example – to masturbation alone (which is considered forbidden but could be resorted to if it prevents a person from ‘acting out’). Also, porn etc. is likely to make the problems worse, while in fact a person should seek things that will reduce the obsession with sexual gratification, and fill his time with beneficial, enjoyable things in the real world. Hope that helps.
Thank u for ur response.
If I know I cant marry some one from opposite sex. I cant have sex with same sex, cant masterbate or watch porno etc b/c its all sinfull … then how sexual feelings can be suppressed considerring that the person is healthy , active , attractive !!!!
I tried evry thing to controll my feelings …. atleast to live peacefully for quite some time in a week … I resorted to gay chatting , watching prno atleast once a week … this helped me in living with some controll over compulsion to have real sex … but it has become permananet n m not able to compromise less than this .. if I dont do this I feel like m going to explode any time like a volcano …so in order to avoid greater harm m doing this lesser harm for very long n I know its wrong but unfortunately have failed to curb this bahaviour…n it disturbs me lot … evry week i do it .. I seek Allah (SWT) forgiveness and promise not to do it again and then evry week i break my promise.. :((((
I feel your plight brother, and if you find no option but this, we hope that Allah will overlook it for you. But since this is not a way to live in the long term, please seek a way forward, perhaps by joining the following support group with people who will understand exactly what you’re going through:
http://www.straightstruggle.com
Allah will not tire of forgiving you, so long as you don’t tire of turning to Him sincerely in repentance.
This blog is very clear and very informative. I tire of hearing the old “being gay is not a choice” argument– what turns you on sexually may not be a choice, but what you DO about those feelings, IS a choice, and that’s what Islam condemns.
Take, for example, the pedophile or the one who engages in beastiality. It may not be their choice to be sexually attracted to kids or animals (and they may very well be disgusted with themselves for being so), but they are always encouraged to mask their feelings and push them away. Otherwise they end up committing an act so disgusting that it makes everyone who hears about it, well, disgusted.
At one point in time, homosexuality was seen as appalling. But because of people’s social views and excitement at the prospect of getting people all riled up over an issue, it’s now becoming acceptable. Is pedophilia going to be the same in twenty years? A’udhu billah.
Allah gives us each a test to deal with in this short life. Some people may be tested with illness, some with lonliness, some with money troubles, others with oppression– some people Allah may choose to test with homsexual feelings. Islam is about submission to God. To submit yourself to Him (or to anything) is to give up your own personal preferences and follow His orders because you believe it to be better for you. If you believe in Allah and His Messenger, you will take ALL that they say and follow it by applying it to your life. Inshallah.
Salam!
I found this site through a link on a member page of the Facebook Gay Persians page, and I feel the URL of this page is very deceptive in nature and specifically made to lure gay muslims here so as to preach to them that what they are doing is wrong, is against a religion, and that they must repent in order to live a fulfilling life -all of which is absolutely ridiculous in this modern day and age. To the website owner, simply saying this page is titled “Eye on Gay Muslims” is no excuse for using a URL that will attract gay people to it who do not expect to be preached at that their life is wrong. You could have used the URL “eyeongaymuslims.com”, so please save us the poor excuse of how you were not trying to lure gay muslims here, people aren’t that stupid.
I would like to point out to everyone that Science has already proven that being Homosexual is perfectly natural, which is why it exists in over 1500 animal species, and is considered a natural sexual variance. Some scientists believe Nature did this to avoid the planet being over-populated, others believe it is simply another form of sexual variance. Whatever the reason for it, it is here, it is natural, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
I would also like to point out that you have free will to believe in whatever you want, and to NOT believe in whatever you want. You are not bound nor chained to the beliefs of your fathers and mothers, relatives, friends and acquaintances. This means you have a choice as to whether you want to believe and follow a religion that preaches hate and intolerance towards gay people or not. This is why I am Secular, as I choose not to believe in fairy tales, myths, superstitions, and gods floating in the sky. I am far to educated and reasonable to believe in such unprovable things, and I would be a fool to follow a movement or religion that is working so hard to abolish my people, that is gay people, due to the ignorance of those in the past who chose to demonize us and kill us, and then spread this hatred to future generations by writing scriptures.
You have much to be proud of as a Gay person. Here is but a short list of famous people in history who were gay:
[Moderator – unsubstantiated list of over nearly 100 names – including Saladin! – removed for brevity.]
It is up to YOU to choose what life path you wish, so make it a good choice because life is short and you only have this one to live. You can choose to follow a religion or movement that works against you, or you can choose not to believe or support such movements and instead join forces with your fellow gay brothers & sisters who have a right to happiness, equality and respect. Make it a good choice, be proud of who you are, and never let anyone or any group of people make you ashamed of what Mother Nature made you to be. [Explicit link removed]
Since you have explicitly made clear your hostility to Islam and all religions, I don’t see we have very much to discuss.
You protest that people are “not that stupid”, but are worried about the same people being “lured” by our URL.
By your (faulty) definition, are people who are attracted to the same sex not “gay”? Then you would have to admit that there are “gay” people who believe exactly as we do, including some writers on this site.
Sometimes your poor arguments work against you! Sorry. Hope “Mother Nature” is kind to you!
Salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,
JazakomAllah kheira for adding us to your blogroll! On behalf of Niqabi Portal authors, we really appreciate it!
I’ve read a couple of posts and I’m really impressed with and glad that this blog is here. Alhamdulillah, you’re right, this is something we need to address as a community. May Allah give you all tawfeeq and reward you and your families many times fold! ameen!
PS definitely spreading the word about your blog bi idhnillah.
I found this blog by accident and was very happy as I always thought that we needed such thing. I want to share my story may be it can help someone out there. I am a guy in my early thirties. I struggled with SSA all my life. It started early in my childhood years and the older I got the stronger it became. I wasn’t religious at first and I had my share of depression, confusion and tears. Then one Ramadan my life changed when I repented to God. I cried like I never did before and started for the following years to learn more about religion and try to please God. To be honest the SSA never went away but it was somehow controllable through lowering the gaze and keeping myself busy. After couple of years, I went to a psychiatrist and asked him if there was a cure to this. He said the cure was getting married. I was afraid to fail in marriage but I did get married. Now, I enjoy sex with my wife, even if it is not 100% pleasurable, it is still good and at least halal. You can get aroused both mentally and mechanically. Even though we think of guys, we can still get aroused by mechanical stimulation. The bottom line guys that these feelings are modifiable and marriage is doable. I still have my cravings to guys and urges but marriage helps in controlling them and the more you are close to God the less trouble you will face.
That was the good experience, now the bad experience is I fooled myself that resorting to gay content on the web can help control these urges even after marriage. I was wrong I moved from watching pictures to videos to chat to meeting gay guys out of curiosity. I haven’t had sex but I explored some things with couple of guys thinking that it will help me really know more about my sexuality. All of this happened in just couple of weeks. Gay porn is an open door to many more things. I was lucky not to get involved in major stuff but I don’t know what would be the impact in the future and I am already facing more difficulties. I am trying to refrain from any gay related activity even if it was just a look. I pray that I can and I pray for everyone to succeed in this difficult test.
One last thing is that in surat al kahf prophet moussa made a hole in the ship of poor people to save it from being captured by an unjust king. Who knows may be God made this whole in the ship of our life to save it from being captured by the devil. May be this guilt is the whip on our back that will make us better persons that we might have never been if we didn’t have these attractions. May allay help us all and forgive our sins.
Salaam Dreamer, and many thanks for sharing your personal experiences. I was inspired by your idea that life is not all about satisfying lusts to the utmost extent, but about enjoying what Allah has made lawful to us.
I particularly like your analogy about the boats with the hole (though it was made by Al-Khidr, not Musa, peace be upon them). It’s a really good way to think of the situation. May Allah bless you always.
Gay man to gay man, I find your exploitation of a woman make yourself appear more normal to be appallingly dehumanizing toward the woman. She is entitled to a husband who is capable of more than thinking about guys while being mechanically stimulated. And successful mechanical stimulation hardly shows marriage is “doable,” as your marriage is a fraud, or that your feelings have been modified in the least.
Steve, I see your point, but I’m not sure you have tried to understand the perspective of “Dreamer”.
Can he not love his wife and give her everything she needs, building a family that worships God, even though sexually he is not as attracted to her as he is to men (especially since he considers such attractions unacceptable)?
I wonder, how many people are married to the person they consider MOST attractive in the whole world? Would you consider anything less than that a “fraud”?
Love itself breeds attraction, probably more so than vice versa.
So would you admit, that as a website, you are homophobic? Because I’m a devout and straight Muslim woman and I can honestly say I’m not homophobic. I have friends who aren’t straight and I have no problem with them. Furthermore, it doesn’t bother me or repulse me to think about or look at a same-sex couple.
In your opinion, is it necessary to be homophobic? Is it bad to be homophobic? Because my siblings admit it openly, and it’s quite dangerous to say that in British society at the moment, where everyone is insistent on equal rights for everyone, of all races and sexualities.
As far as I know, to have gay feelings isn’t abnormal. However, to act on them is sinful. Pretty much in the same way that to have straight feelings about someone isn’t abnormal yet to act on them (outside marriage that is) is sinful. That’s my opinion on so-called gay Muslims. As soon as they ACT on their feelings, they’re being sinful. If they just have the desire inside of them, it’s almost normal, really.
I’ve been on this website before, when this whole Syed farce happened on EastEnders. And I have to say, ever since then, I stopped watching EastEnders. Anyway, the point is, do you, as the creator of the website, consider yourself homophobic?
Insha allah you can answer my question which has been on my mind for a long, long time. Jazakallah khairan.
Assalaamu alaykum,
I posted on here yesterday and my comment seems to have been deleted. Ah well, I’ll just say it all again. Basically, I want to know, as a heterosexual practising Muslim woman, is it right or wrong to be homophobic?
See, the thing is, I have friends who aren’t exactly straight, and I have absolutely no problem with them. I’m not homophobic at all. It doesn’t bother or disturb me to think about a same-sex couple. However, my siblings are openly homophobic – as in they admit it, even, with a bit of pride – and this worries me, because I don’t think, in my opinion, that it’s right to be homophobic at all.
So, as the creator of this website (correct me if I’m wrong), are you homophobic?
This is my stance on homosexuality in Islam. In a way, it’s just like heterosexuality in that desire is involved, right? And to have sexual desire for a person (whether male or female) is perfectly normal. However, to ACT on those feelings, be it a male or a female, is totally wrong and sinful UNLESS if you approach this person in marriage.
And of course, this is the line between homo- and heterosexuality, because the latter is lawful in marriage and the former isn’t. My point is, if you have gay feelings, technically you’re not doing anything wrong until you act on those feelings, whether it’s to the person or watching gay porn or masturbating or whatever.
Definitely, this happens, though, and the thing to do is repent to Allah and try your utmost to change things, to refrain from doing these things. I don’t believe people when they say that they’re born gay. That is not true. How can you realise your sexuality when you are merely newborn?
Obviously the people around a person may influence you. It could also be due to segregation, too much segregation, so someone feels the need to fulfil their sexual desire. There are loads of factors which influence someone’s sexuality. And while I don’t believe that anyone is born gay, I do believe that it’s not always because they’re around gay people.
As long as you just keep the feelings inside of you and repent when you do something wrong, because of course as humans we will sin, then, there’s not a problem with being gay – in that sense, anyway. It’s not as if you can stop feeling the way you feel. But you can stop your actions.
So anyway, the point of this was, do you consider yourself homophobic and is it wrong to be homophobic? Or, in fact, not be homophobic?
Mina, apologies for not replying sooner. As you probably realised now, comments wait in moderation until approved.
In short, I do NOT self-define as “homophobic”. If people define that term in a certain way and my views fall under that definition, then they can say what they want.
But I know that my beliefs and statements are not built on fear or bigotry, and I am content to meet my Creator upon them, in sha’ Allah.
I’m not knowledgeable about Islam, so I can hardly challenge your interpretation of the Koran. In Christianity there are also several prohibitions or condemnations of homosexual acts. The problem is that Christians cite these provisions of the Old and New Testaments to oppose homosexuality, but do not enforce similar rules against adultery and divorce (not to mention many more rules unrelated to sexuality or marriage).
In Judaism, only a small percentage–the most orthodox believers–obey ALL the rules. Some followers of these two religions, therefore, give themselves a pass to ignore other prohibitions that might affect them, yet hypocritically single out homosexuals for their sins.
So my question is this: do most modern Muslims who live in the West follow obey ALL the rules and prohibitions in the Quran? I seriously doubt it. And if they don’t, why make a point of torturing yourself and other gay Muslims)?
Hello Kurt,
I think you have correctly identified a major problem our Christian and Jewish friends fall into. Some would like the Muslims to go the same way, but the Qur’an also warns us against falling into these patterns of behaviour. For example, it condemns certain actions of the Jews saying: “Do you believe in parts of the Book and disbelieve in other parts?”
It is a basic part of our belief that we must follow ALL the guidance that has been revealed in the Qur’an and the teachings and practice of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be on him. You may think this means being “frozen in the 7th century” or whatever lame attacks people throw at Muslims, but our scholars are perfectly able to interpret certain rulings in the light of updated realities.
But morality stays as it is.
Assalam-Alikum,
I have never experienced SSA.I’m a straight,practicing Muslimah,but I just have to say that I highly admire this website.It’s not often that you find Muslims dedicated to helping their fellow Muslim brothers and sisters overcome such a difficult test.May Allah reward all of you and help you reach out to as many SSA Muslims as possible.
Keep up the amazing work!
I want to share my thoughts, although they maybe entirely inappropriate as I’m not gay, but I hope I can add value by sharing my them inshaa’Allah. As a Muslim-born United States citizen, I can sympathize with many of SSA Muslims.
I’ve contemplated this topic about the nature of homosexuality in our society and I’ve come to realize (maybe others have too and I’m being redundant) that the society I currently live in has a perverted view of the definition of what a Man and Woman is, or should be. And those who do not fit this description of what a Man is, is therefore not a man, abnormal, gay, etc. The same applies to societies’ definition of woman.
For example, although trivial, young boys with certain sensitivities and feminine mannerisms who do not like sports as much as the next “normal” man, usually ascribe to these qualities to straight men and hence, put themselves outside the definition of what it is to be straight.
Like a previous poster stated, these problems are also compounded by a deteriorating family structure, a lack of proper family life (nuclear and extended), as well as the support of a decent community, which is the proper context for displaying what a man and woman should be.
When the definitions of what a Man and Woman should be according to Islam is not the model for the society we live in, and since the Islamic way is the way of the fitra, one can expect that this will lead to inward and outward confusion among our people.
Perhaps I have rambled too much. Anyways, this is an interesting site and Brother Rasheed should be commended.
Sallaam Alaikom.
Wa ‘alaikum as-salam Mustafa, and thank you for your kind comments.
I certainly agree that issues of sexuality are closely bound to notions of gender, and hence improving the latter will help solve the problems of the former.
For one thing, as you noted, stigmatising people who are “less masculine” is a sure way to confuse them and push them towards self-defining in an ultimately self-destructive way.
Assalaamu alaykum,
May Allah help you with this site, and inshaallah you will be able to find solutions to muslims having same-sex attraction…
My questions is about the worshipping part… I agree that, just like everything in the life, these kind of emotions are closely related to how much close one could be to Allah… But is there any specific dhikr or a certain worship to control the feelings of ssa? I guess you will advice me to join to the related mailgroup, but if you answer me here, I believe that it will be helpful for many muslims.
I just discovered this site and find it very a very interesting platform for discussing the “gay perdicament”. I must say that it seems as though the main frustration that is common among most who have entered comments here is one that is based upon “religious uncertainties”…this is where we ALL have issues. It was once said by a great mind that “religion is the opium of the people”. When you think about that for a moment, you will start to realize that whether you refer to the “great almighty” as God or Allah or Buddah, etc. etc. You will begin to see that in “his” eyes we are all perfect just the way we are. It is not “he” who places all of the strife and self loathing upon us. It is in fact those who proclaim to be the religious “leaders”. When you look around you (anywhere in the world) you will see all the great wealth and riches among the mosques,temples, and churches of the world. While most of the “devout” followers are living in abject poverty. We must ask ourselves “who is really benefiting from these so-called organized religions”? For the most part all of the horrific wars of the world have commenced due to “religious differences”. I state all of this because I feel an overwhelming need to scream out at the top of the highest mountain “we are being fooled!!!” …fooled by organized religion, and fooled by the “puppet masters” (those who control all the wealth in the world! Once we get clarity on that “way of the world”, then we can start to realize that whether we are “heterosexual”, “homosexual”, “bisexual”, “asexual”, etc. it reallys is insignificant in how we find peace and purpose in our lives. Allah, God, Buddah, etc. love us for who we are, exactly as we are!!! Don’t let any archaic religious dogma destroy your potential to be the best human being you were destined to be! We must love and support all the beautiful diversity in this vast world. Can you imagine a world where everything gray…how sad..how depressing…how boring!!! Look around you and take in all the “colors” of the world..all the differences, all the choices..and realize that YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING..that brings such greatness to the world!!!
I’d take you seriously if you included in your statement of intent a clear and overt condemnation of all forms of homophobic violence and abuse as contrary to Islam.
I’m comfortable with people who take your position, even though I don’t share it and never will, providing you make clear your opposition to those who hold a similar position backed by fists.
Thanks for your point, Yakoub. I think the point is contained in the point addressed to the Muslim community, but I will consider making it clearer.
Asalaamu’alaikum brothers,
I find this to be a wonderful site as I myself have struggled with this.
What people need to understand is that when it comes down to it, we are no more burdened than any others. This is our test. Yes it’s hard because it’s different than others, but it’s still just a test.
Would you rather be one of the people in yemen living off of $2 a day begging for food? Would you rather be in tribes of Africa being born with AIDS and struggling just to survive? Would you rather be a beggar living on the streets, sleeping in the rain? Would you like to be blind? Would you like to be deaf? Would you like to be paralyzed from the waist down? Would you rather be born with no arms or no legs? Would you rather live in a bad neighborhood where you constantly must look over your shoulder in fear?
Brothers no matter who you are, you will be afflicted with different tests. Be thankful that you are in a situation that you can even get on the internet and discuss the subject. That alone shows you are in a better socioeconomic status than 100’s of millions of other people who are struggling to get by in the world. You should not lose your faith in Allah just because you cannot get an erection by looking at a woman. It’s just not worth it. Instead be grateful for what you have. Be grateful you can see and enjoy the beauties of the world. Thank Allah SWT that you can listen to beautiful music that others can only dream of hearing. Be thankful that you can walk and talk and use your hands and enjoy sports! Be thankful for what you have and do not despair and lose hope in Allah SWT over the loss of 1 aspect of life.
Now onto my own question – Does anyone have stories of gay men that were/are married? On TV you constantly come across scandals of men living normal lives and having children but later on cheating on these wives and being caught. Senators and other political men have been caught in these scandals and Talk Shows have shown their fair share of normal people getting caught.
So my question is: How do they do this? Now considering we are Muslims currently struggling, would we not be able to do what they are doing minus the cheating? Live happy lives with children without later cheating on our wives in their 40’s by adhering to our morals and the Sunnah of the prophet saws?
The reason I ask this is because I cannot live a life alone and I am looking for a way out. I do not find the female body disgusting to look at – I just feel nothing when I see it. I can see the beauty in a woman’s body (and Allah forgive me I have seen naked women on TV). I find women to be beautiful and I can see myself holding one in my arms and caressing her hair and loving her. I can see myself falling in love with a woman (and I have) and I can see myself as a father and husband. However I just cant seem to “get it up” if you will excuse my language. Would foreplay not work? Or is are the people struggling unable to even look at a woman without feeling disgust?
I’d imagine most of us would marry a virgin so she would not know what to expect now would she? Also, with the majority of the Muslim Ummah being ignorant to this plight, the last thing she would expect is homosexuality.
I know many would consider it unfair to marry a woman and treat her in this manner, but I dont agree with that. It’s just sex guys. Yes she deserves to be please and I believe after it’s “up” that I can please her. I dont know what it’s like to be with a guy, just that I want to, but it doesnt mean I wouldnt enjoy being a with a woman. Also, sex is literally 5, maybe 10 minutes of your night. What you do with a woman for the other 23 hours 50 minutes a day is far more important such as treating her with respect, loving her, loving your children, supporting her, being there for her emotionally, etc.
I understand though that there are people who are gay emotionally and physically, and I hope you can learn to live with yourselves and understand that it is just a test from Allah and there are others struggling with it. Things could be far worse.
Excuse me if I offended anyone.
Asalaamu ‘alaikum
asSalAmoaliKum bro . . .
u really r doing a wOnderful jOb . . . may Allah guide us all to the coRrect path . . . n may He bleSs u Amen
i havent read mUch of ya blOg az for nOw but m moSt definitely doin it soOn , i felt ya cause n iDea so veRy nobLe . . . 🙂
JazaakAllah . . .
I am extremely sorry for not to disclose my name . I am a male . my age is 32 years . I am a Gay . As far my knowledge from child hood I feel attraction towards to male only . I have countless no of encounter with guys . But I do not wanted to be a gay . Its not my choice . I am help less . I try a lot but every time I fail . I know according to Islam its a Sin. I had sex with many general Muslim people along with non Muslim people . I found its a very common practice among the all type of males. I did fasting every alternative day for years . but no answer . I am taking treatment from many psychiatrist since I aware that I am a gay . Still I am under treatment by psychiatrist continuously since 2003 , But the surprise thing is all the psychiatrist are giving me counseling about accepting my sexual orientation that is homosexuality . Including Muslim psychiatrist .
I heard homosexuality is prohibited in the Quran and sahi Hadid . As per my survey Islam has all solution for the life then, why not in homosexuality ? I had sex with many Muslim married guy; that is the reason I do not believe the marriage is the solution for homosexuality . And still I am not married .
I do active role on bed , means I am top on bed ( I am not passive means I am not bottom on bed ). I do not act like a girl . I am handsome and muscular behave . In general people may think gays are act like a girl, but its not true at all . most of the gays are not act like a girl . there are very few gay people who act like a girl .
honestly speaking I am not happy . I do not want to live a gay life . I want to live a straight life . I do not want to go to hell . I hate my life . I have tried to do suicide many times but I failed . Now I am thinking homosexuality is one of the biggest sin as well as suicide also . So, two wrong thing cant make correct a wrong . Then what to do ? I can not stop my homosexual feeling . What to do ?
Do u know any solution regarding my problem ? Do you know any psychiatrist or any doctor or any body who is giving treatment for reorientation within a reasonable price ? Can you ask to Allah for make me a normal human ? I am too tired . kindly help me . Its my request for Allah sake kindly help me .
I need professional help in Bangalore. I am belong to middle class family. I can not go any were from Bangalore . Please guide me .
from : I am sorry for not to disclose my name .
Bangalore. India. unmarried . my age is 32 years . stay alone .
Salam dear visitor. It is true that Islam prohibits homosexual acts, but as for feelings, they are something to resist but you are not accountable just for feeling them. In fact, refraining from sins is a way to gain Allah’s pleasure. What you need to do is repent of what you did in the past and resolve not to do it again. Sex is a natural urge but it’s not a necessity; in the case that you cannot do it lawfully, you must not do it at all. I am not saying this is easy, but why should life be easy? But it is life, and life must be lived in the best way we can, and suicide is not a way out. I hope you can put that out your mind completely.
If psychological help is what you need, then it needs to be from qualified and trustworthy sources, not from people who have no regard for divine laws or your well-being in the Hereafter. Unfortunately we’re unable to provide details for you, but at least we can suggest you join the following online support group that includes people with a similar struggle and some trained counsellors:
http://www.straightstruggle.com
Its like I wrote this…Subhanallah
assalammualaikum all
i was glad i found your site that made me understand better of ssa.
first of all i’m a straight woman but i am very much in love with my boyfriend. although knowing he is ssa we still get together into a relationship. i hope someday ALLAH will change the way he thinks. all i can do is pray and gives him my support but lately he hates himself too much and he’s been thinking that our relationship is heading nowhere.
I am too sad by his comment saying that no matter how hard he tries he cant be normal like other people. but what else could i do?
no matter what happens, i will always be by his side giving all the moral supports he need and ALLAH to change him and all of you guys..
Insya’allah.
I haven’t seen all of what’s out there on the Internet, but I daresay this site comes very close to examining this issue through a Islamic faith-based perspective without positing judgement.
I’m a heterosexual woman but the intersection between homosexuality and Islam is too important for me to ignore. And I’m still trying to understand my stance on it. To be able to preach on it, I think a Muslim has to be a celibate/self-denying homosexual himself/herself. This site will definitely help that process of building a community of such people.
Thank you so much for pulling this together. I look forward to keeping up with the posts.
I had that deviant tendency when I was 5 years. As I was growing up, this feeling was growing up with me as well! I was so religious that I lent this problem no importance at all. When people used to ask me why you say you don’t want to get married, I used to say: “Focusing on studying is more important now!” I used to do this just to keep suspicions away from me. It all started when one day I was on my way to school while I was walking when I saw a very handsome man from our village. I experienced how hard it is to love but not to be loved in turn. Anyway, he got married 2 weeks ago and he must be happy now though I suffered loving him for four years straight. My memory became very weak and I lost my concentration as effects. I feel I am broken, weak, hopeless and helpless. I used to and I am still keeping diaries regarding important events only that happen to me from time to time and I highlight what’s important to keep in mind. Finally, I was granted help and I’m going through that now and I feel happy like I have never felt before. I’m still asking myself: “Why me?!” i have to stop asking why because I have a future i need to focus on. I can’t say sex is not one of man’s needs but it is not the end of the world if circumstances go against our needs. At least, it is merciful from Allah the Glorified to keep us alive to repent. Guys suffering! I feel what you feel exactly because I went through that and I am still but I should handle until I get better . well, I tried to commit suicide for two times but I would lose myself and my existence for sure and forever!
Let us now move the shining side of our existence:
I found it helpful to be strong again and focus on my hobbies and have as many Muslim friends as possible and it really worked.
Go to nature and live your life to the full (but inside Islamic boundaries of course).
If you know someone who can help you, don’t hesitate! Go for it right away because help I am receiving now is really working. I feel happy like I’ve never felt before. How not? And I am trying to get rid of the chains.
“What’s the matter with falling when you can always get up?!” – Aya Kito
Aya kito is one of the important Japanese personalities. She suffered cerebellar ataxia and remained optimistic till the last second of her life. Watch her story animated in a series. The series name is “Litre of Tears”. It will teach you that nothing is impossible and WE CAN BE HAPPY AND STRAIGHT all over again!
I ask Allah to help us all because our problem and similar cases are increasing every hour. Salam alekum and thank you all! Remember! There’s always something!
I have suffered from this feeling since I became an adult. I know some people who were sexually abused during their childhood and they didn’t turn to be gays later. I was sexually abused when I was a child and I am now gay! ;(
The questions that always come to my mind: Why me? Why didn’t they become like me? Didn’t Alla know it would develop leading to what I am now? And why didn’t he protect me? ;(
I hate myself, people, life and everything!
I wish I weren’t even born!
Salam,
I’ve read enough to get to that point where I can say: There’s worse in life!! What’s the big deal if you’re gay, if you respect yourself and others? If you just commit to one person and avoid jumping from guy to guy. If you practice safe sex. I think that being in denial or being in a constant struggle never leads you to be peaceful and will never leads you to understand the beauty of God’s creation. I think that lot of ultra-conservative societies is so hard for gays to live there, that they will avoid to arise suspicion by dating only one person, that lead for sure to having lot of sex-partner. Well, try once to live a real relationship. Discover yourself through it, sexual acts are not bounded to penetration. Maybe you’ll discover that the simple fact of being in the arms of the other will be enough to be happy and feel safe! be responsible for your own choices. I think that God will be severe to those who doesn’t think, make your own decisions and deal with consequences. Just try to be in a position that extracts the best from you! If it’s by avoiding same-sex contact or by living a romance or by changing sex or by getting married with a girl or by sublimating in arts or in scientific issues or by discovering even if you are gay that it’s not a curse but it’s something you have to deal with. Just don’t harm yourself nor others.
as we say here: rabbi eysalleh felli fih el 5ir
🙂
The big deal is that by doing such actions, you are disobeying your Creator and will have to answer for it when you stand before Him to be judged and given either punishment for worshipping your desires, or reward for worshipping Him alone.
aa
jazakAllahu khayran brother for such a WONDERFUL blog! may Allah reward u for ur intention and efforts.
may u and ur family always be protected from evil and homosexuality! ameen!!
im a muslim woman, alhamdulillah married with two kids.]]]]]]]]]
i think for me the biggest thing that protected me was my ignorance. we never had sattelite when growing up, alhamdulillah i never had barbie, and alhamdulillah i was ignorant.
i remember i used to dream about other women when i was younger [i remember being extremely embarassed and ashamed and scared
]
the firast =t]ime =i =]]]]]]]]]noticedanotherwomanwas =]]injuniorhigha— =my =]]]]]]]teacher =]]anda =]]]]]]]]]]classmate.
ALHAMDLLLAH i =]was =]unaware.i}}of.the.term].l]esbian.
}
over.the.years.i.reaized.tht.it.is].]j]ust.a.]te]st.frm.]ALLAH}.AND.THE.WHISPERING.F.SHAYTAN.
ALHAMDULILLAH I have been SAFE from being misguided. =.It.is.only.thru.the.GRACE,Bounty.of.Allah.tht.i.have.been.protected.}}}}}} I pray to ALLAH to always protect me and keep me safe, as well as my family and my offspring.
wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh
ps.my.keyboards.acting.wierd.sry.bout.tht
this truly is great. do inform me of new activities and occurances:)
I love love love this blog. Keep up the good work!
salam alekum. I am gay and muslim who repentd and got married to a very religious girl and have a beautiful son. It was hard at the begining to have sex with ur wife but i had to use injections to help me get erection ! I got used it and i startd to love her more and more that made me feel straight and i became more religiouse and that helped me alot not to think about men. But after 3 years of my marriage she found my injections d ones i use to help me have sex with her so problems startd and after one year one gay guy who i met before i got married found out that im married with a kid he got jouleus and he told my family and my wife that im gay so my life turned on me and i lost everything ! After i was living happy with my wife and son now im alone divorced and lonely and deppressed and im only allowed to see my son once a week. I lost my parent’s trust too i am alone i lost even my friends., the problem is i still love my wife and the guilt is killing me and she doesnt want to come bak to me. I am religious and im going to hajj inshala so i will never have sex with men ! I repentd frm my heart and i grew my beard and i go to mosk every fajr and ishaa prays because that makes you stronger with iman . I dont know what to do to get her back i feel so bad and guilty maybe i shouldnt of got married even if i repented and just stayd alone like how im living now 😦 life is so hard all what i want is to die and go to heaven not suicide. Everyone around me look at me like i am a disgusting dirty person but they dnt understand that its not a choice and its because i was sexually assaultd when i was only 5 years old and my mum blamed me for that when i told her about it when she found out that im gay. Wat hurt me the most is that the sheikh told my father in law that we have to divorce and that he shouldnt trust me because gays lie and that was the sheikh that i used to pray behind..i dont knw what my son will think when he grow up. All what i can say is hamdila for everything its true that i lost everything but i thank allah because i didnt lose my faith and my love to allah.
Salam,
I just came across this website. I read over half the comments I think. Someone didn’t like the idea of saying “Alhamdulillah I’m not gay”. I don’t know what the intentions were of whoever said it, but I know that when I say “Alhamdulillah I’m not such-and-such”, or “Alhamdulillah I don’t do such-and-such”, it is neither a condemnation of the person who is or does it, but a thankfulness to God that He didn’t put me in that test.
I think three things haven’t been highlighted enough, in dealing with SSA, and may Allah make them useful for those looking for hope and strength:
1. This life is SHORT. That is a very, very important reminder. And a person who never saw one ounce of happiness in their life, and their life was nothing but misery – when they will be allowed into Paradise, it will erase all of their pain and they will feel that they never felt unhappy for even a moment. Believe this! It’s the belief that gives strength. Revive your faith! We only lose hope when we stop believing, or forget the reality, and that reality is BEAUTIFUL, and Paradise is worth EVERY drop of agony on earth! It’s so beautiful that the only people on the Day of Judgment who will want to return to Earth will be those who died for Allah, and they will only want to return to die again for Him. We are struggling here to live for ourselves, but we should be living for Allah! Feel joy in your pain! Feel joy in the fact that Allah loves you dearly enough to put you through this, and when you return to Him, if only you keep yourself in control, it will be so worth it! To see His Countenance! To have whatever you want in Paradise!
2. Allah is Just. Everything He decrees is for the best. There is nothing in the world that is not because of some Divine Wisdom. Those who are born in poverty, He was Merciful to them, for He knew that had He given them riches – they may have been prone to a certain sin. And those to whom He gave riches, He may know that poverty would have tested their faith too much. Likewise for every aspect of your life, and nothing is a curse, everything is a blessing. It may only be that we cannot see the good in something, but that does not mean there is no good. Our small minds cannot encompass everything in existence.
3.This third point is specifically for those who dread the idea of living without a close partner, and blame it on their orientation.There are many heterosexual people who live celibate lives too! Think about that. There are many who loved somebody dearly but are unable, for any reasons, to not marry them and have a relationship with them. Sexual orientation is not the only reason a person might not be able to marry or have a relationship. Those who think they are “forced to live without a choice” actually do have a choice, to submit to their innate instincts in a way that might create an obstacle in their Eternal Happiness, or not to submit. And this applies to everyone, regardless of their orientation.
I’m getting old, I’m heterosexual, I loved someone till he was the oxygen in my lungs and the blood in my veins, but Allah protected me from sinning. It’s been seven years, he’s married now, but I am not, yet the thought of him still makes my heart skip a beat. And I’m at a stage in my life that I wonder if I will ever get married. But is marriage the end-all of my life? Let’s say I never get married. So what? How many other talents do I have? How many skills has God given me? Am I going to waste my life crying over something I don’t have, or make the best of the things that I do have? There are children to be taught, hungry mouths to be fed, old people to be taken care of, things to be invented, ideas to be spread, knowledge to be acquired, wealth to be distributed… so much to be done! Especially the bigger picture – the starving world, the war-stricken world, the misinformed world, these thoughts really jolt me on my feet and remind me I’m not here on Earth to fulfill my desires, but to help others and be the best human that I was designed to be by God Himself. Didn’t our Prophet (peace be upon him) teach us how to deal with unfortunate situations? Look at those below you, not above you, or you may be come ungrateful for the blessings Allah has given you.
I think the difference between a homosexual person realizing something terrible (a life of celibacy), compared to a heterosexual person who thinks he will realize a happy married life – I think it’s similar to the question of life – and people who have cancer and people who don’t. The person who has cancer naturally believes they’re going to die. The person who doesn’t naturally believes they’re going to live. But the reality is no-one knows, and it doesn’t matter. The person diagnosed with cancer might actually outlive all the doctors’ expectations. And the person without cancer might have an accident and die tonight.
So live today. Pray every prayer like your last. Accept who you are, do all the wonderful things you can do, be great to your parents – remember Paradise is under your mother’s feet. Try to forgive those who make you feel like there’s something BAD about you just because of your orientation, and that would mean – forgive yourself first. God gave you this for a reason, there must be something good about it. Maybe if you were a heterosexual, you might have gotten so strung up in some relationship and your “normal” life with a “normal” family may NOT have given you so much quality time alone with Allah, or alone with yourself, to build some unique strength of your own, to bring benefit to the world. Or it may have put you in such a terrible relationship, or such severe problems that you would wish you could be single and free again. No, we don’t have all the answers, but Allah does, so trust Him. Look around you, look inside of you, if He gave you this trouble, He must have given something else to balance it out. He promised you, with difficulty, there is ease. With difficulty, there IS ease. What fortunes have you missed on out while your were questioning your misfortune?
@muslim4life.
subhanallah, your story is so touching, I feel their behavior and actions were just wrong, because in Islam, one who repents is like one who never repented, so how could you be blameworthy for something not in your control, when you did everything in your control to change it. I hope you’re on your way for Hajj right now and may Allah have mercy on you. inshaAllah He will give you everything back that you lost, in fact even better than that. Keep faith and remember the story of Prophet Ayoub (peace be upon him).
I will pray for you inshAllah.
Brother Rashid,
Do you have any link or information for help on intersex conditions for Muslims? Like, people who appear a certain sex, but feel like another one (not just in terms of sexual orientation, but everything). “Khunthaa” I believe?
Assalamu alaykum dear brothers and sisters,
Well I have been readin through the blogs out here and did get across some terrible stories
All I can say that while i searched a lot there is a verse in the Quran
that there are “men who lacked the desire for women”
In the verse the women can uncover in front of these men because these men has no natural inclination to her …….if a man does not have a desire for women is it necessary for him to “get” attracted to women
P,S i think marraige between men and women is there bcs to please each sexually FIRST! I dont think principally you have children and then get married.
i have a lot of other questions anyway but I want you guys to think After finding such a verse, it really did made me think
Wa ‘alaikum as-salam. The verse that you are talking about (24:31) refers to what we call “asexual” men, and in the case that they are servants of this woman. So it doesn’t help the case of those who want to find “homosexuality” in the Qur’an.
But true, it is not a sin to not be interested in sex, or even to have the “wrong” inclinations, because it is not generally an obligation to get married. It is a recommended practice, unless there is a reason not to do it (i.e. being unable to fulfil its rights).
I don’t agree that the MAIN purpose of marriage is sexual pleasure, but certainly Islam values this aspect.
Dear Sir,
I commend your blog and your sincere efforts. I look forward to seeing more.
Might I second the suggestion of Comment #105 on this page? I suggest that you more explicitly include “a clear and overt condemnation of all forms of homophobic violence and abuse as contrary to Islam,” (from Comment #105)
It would be a judicious decision on your part to include an explicit statement of this nature in your About section.
Best wishes.
Salam, I am still wondering about the necessity of this. Is there an assumption concerning people who consider homosexuality sinful that we support violence and persecution? It reminds me of the frequent demand to Muslims to put a banner condemning terrorism on their sites about Islam. I’m not rejecting the idea, just hoping for a clearer reason: especially when many commenters describe what we are doing on this site as “homophobic” abuse, persecution etc. Would a statement of this kind refute them? I wonder.
Wa-alekum Salam,
No, I don’t think a statement of this type would refute those who consider your site homophobic. I imagine they are already at odds with your core message (homosexuality is sinful), and modifying any amount of language in your About section will not change that.
I suggest the change in order that this site might more explicitly promote the dignified treatment of SSA Muslims. This is not to say that this site is not already promoting that; since, in my humble opinion, it is. However, SSA Muslims are still quite routinely subjected to physical violence and emotional/psychological mistreatment. As you would agree, this practice only pushes SSA Muslims away from their faith communities. Is this not an important issue that must be addressed immediately and unambiguously?
Like the many who half-read your site without discernment and call it homophobic, many others of the contrary view might do the same, and wrongly assume that it condones violence and mistreatment against SSA Muslims. In your message to the wider Muslim community, you already ask that SSA Muslims should not be ignored nor simply condemned; but rather, you ask that they should be offered help. Unfortunately, many who try to ‘help’ might consider violence and intimidation of SSA Muslims as appropriate means of offering help. Certainly, many of those who perpetrate violence and mistreatment of SSA Muslims are their own friends and loved ones. Wouldn’t explicit condemnation of such practices promote just treatment of SSA Muslims?
The promotion of dignified treatment for SSA Muslims and condemnation of violence against them is already implicit in your website; however, unambiguous terms would have a more powerful effect. The statement would not be a defensive one, as there is no need to become defensive when one speaks the truth. In contrast, it would be an important message, affirming that SSA Muslims have the right (like any other Muslim) to be treated with dignity and respect, without fear of physical violence and emotional/psychological mistreatment. Since this message is already implicit in your website, why not make it discernible to the wider readership by stating this in more explicit terms?
Thank you Murtaza, you make a compelling case. I don’t know why you linked yourself to Comment 105, whose point was quite different! I will work on a wording to convey this point more clearly in sha’ Allah.
Have a look now…
salam alekum,
After I posted on this blog under “Life is hard! – June 1, 2011”, I am feeling like I want to edit the title and say: “Life is calm!” During that time since I posted till now, a lot of changes have happened! I’ve suffered a lot and cried a lot and tried to end my miserable life but could not! I loved a handsome guy from my town and he’s married now. I am fine with what I am right now. However, I have a lot of dreams that have to do with my parents, brothers and my sister and yet nothing to do with ME 🙂 I feel like I am spiritually paralyzed and have nothing to think of, to worry about or even to cry for! Do you guys believe I AM BORED OF CRYING??!! I am no longer crying for that even when handsome guys look at me, I ignore them as if I am no homosexual and never cry for I can’t have be with them. I do not cry for 2 reasons: first it is because it is COMPLETELY unrealizable and it will NEVER EVER come true and if it comes, I shall be damned and the second reason, crying has got me nothing but pain and misery of which I’m bored as well! My life is calm now! I am gay! I could get over bad memories! I have forgotten all and want to live happily ALONE for the rest of my short life. I feel like my life has been so short as well as cold! Alhamdulilah for everything and I shall go on ALONE today, tomorrow and … forever!
Brother you dont have to live alone forever, and its certainly not adviceable. You need a companion, a soul mate, or you may find yourself again a misrable person. Have you ever considered getting an SSA wife, i think it would do you a great deal of good. May Allah guide you and grant you a happy life and an even happier afterlife. Salam
Dear Sir,
The changes you have made are excellent. They adeptly promote the dignified treatment of SSA Muslims, and unequivocally condemn the violence and abuse which are all too a common experience for them.
I appreciate your openness to the feedback from this reader. You have won my sincere respect and regards.
Thank you for your advice. From day one we have been open to constructive criticism: but alas, how rare it is!
salam alekum,
I want to clarify an idea here. I am still homosexual but I am not acting on it, however. Life taught me a lot of things through the experience I’ve gone through. In our village, homosexuality is too low and almost does not exist. I knew a person whom I thought wanted to be my friend but later invited me to have a relationship with him in his apartment though he was heterosexual. He wanted nothing but to fulfill his needs. I didn’t accept for sure but this memory made me cry later during night. Society condemns homosexual people and tries to abuse us when it WANTS to! I am no sex object! I am a person who has the full right to live and be happy.
My homosexual friends, keep in mind, IT IS NOT SOCIETY THAT WE SEEK TO SATISFY, BUT RATHER ALLAH! I know what homosexual muslims are going through because I am one of them! My life is calm now because I through myself in a lot of activities and then I forgot to worry. Life is short.
TO MY HOMOSEXUAL FRIENDS, here are some remarks based upon my bitter experiences:
1. Never go into discussions with other muslims around homosexuality because you will get nothing but sadness. If my society prohibited homosexuality, I would be the first one who finds a guy and loves in front of everyone. However, it isn’t society who prohibited this but it is ALLAH! This is why we have to submit and when I say submit, I never mean getting married, NO! It is to be PATIENT and live a SINLESS life!
2. Don’t tell anyone abut your problem because no one is going to be able to help you. ALL what they will suggest is to receive help and if you fail, you will be then condemned and accused of not trying to help yourself on purpose.
3. Don’t look at handsome guys when you come across them, for this has a big effect and it is a golden chance for Satan to misguide you and to tell you that Allah is behind all this, which is wrong! Let’s suppose Allah is trying us, so what? Should I be sad? I know you will say but why me? Why have I done? Why doesn’t he allow homosexual love? I will say: “I have gone through a lot and yet never come up with some explanations” but anyway, I won’t waste my life asking about something that WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED!
4. It is not sex that gives satisfaction to our life. There are so many SUCCESSFUL people in life who got married, and they are miserable. Guys! Explore yourselves! Try to explore the “alternative” gifts you have in you! I did that and I discovered that I got a gift that some normal people said to me verbatim: “I wish I were like you (in the gift you have)” So there are other things and more gifts: scientific success, piety, good health, etc.
In other words, even if we keep defending homosexuality, life will still go on and won’t stop and so will our life!
After I applied these 4 above rules in my life, it turned to be … calm! 🙂
I AM HAPPY A LOT THAT I COULD COPE WITH SUCH A HARD TEST!
thanks again and good luck my … chosen friends ^_^
By the way, I didn’t write that to please the ears of normal people, but rather it is what I BELIEVE I SHOULD DO IN MY LIFE! tnx again!
As-salamu ‘alaykum Brother,
I very much appreciate your website and the perspective you bring.
We have a discussion group in my community, and were thinking of working on the topic “The Muslim and LGBQT Communities: Is there a possibility for strategic alliances?”. I was wondering if you might be able to give me some advice on this. It’s definitely a contentious issue, and it’s a bit nerve-wracking. I would have emailed you, but I don’t have your contact info. If it would be possible to discuss this with you a bit, I’d really appreciate your advice.
Jazak Allahu khayr,
Sana
This site is amazing! I was at a LGBT workshop today learning more about people’s stories and asked the presenters to speak more about people who are, what I believe has been labeled here as, strugglers. It is a narrative that is RARELY presented. I really appreciate this blog and its purpose! More awareness is needed. It’s scary how the idea of not giving into your desires seems so far-fetched and unheard of in society. Best of luck with this!
dear all. while writting this message i am goin through a really tough and discusting time. ive been brought up in europe since i was 14. when i was younger my sister use to dress me up as a girl and i used to play with her girlfriends and i think ever since then it has affected my sexuality. i have had few girlsfriends in the past and i also have had sexual relationship with guys. before we moved to europe i used to live in asia where my friends used to do all these gay things everyday and they were muslims too and i was very young so i always told myself ALLAH will forgive me for those sins as i was naive. in my heart i love my religion and i always cry and ask ALLAH for forgiveness for what i have done and gone through but at the same time i find myself in the same position again. i was madly in love with one girl for 3 years and we were close enough to get engaged but she broke my heart to pieces by cheating on me. and ever since i cant get with any girl and i cant support myself to get married, my family is not religous but me deep down always ask ALLAH to forgive me and my sins and i have started praying regularly. i now finally decided to IN SHA ALLAH concentrate in my religion in islam. my heart is very weak. i cry when i see poor people or kids in a bad situation. i have given charity and every kid that i have met has fallen completely in love with me becuz of my pure heart and love towards them. i pray and always ask ALLAH TO HELP everyone and help ME OVERCOME THIS EVIL SITUATION but i cant get through it. is there anyway i could start all over again for ALLAH to forgive my sins that i have done in the past with guys. what is the best solution? how do i stop these things? i am feeling suicidal but again my religion doesnt allow me to. somebody please message me and tell me what can i do to overcome? i dont believe i am gay but bysexual.but since my ex girlfriend broke my heart i dont think about girls at all. what can i do to repent my sins? would makkah help?
I’d just like to share my thoughts and also to start by saying that I do not disrespect the Islamic faith. But I think the doctrine where its okay to be gay but not to act on one’s impulses might be damaging to a persons long term health and happiness. I have a friend who is deeply religious and has never been intimate with a man or a woman. I suspect this is mainly due to his religious convictions but also because he worries about offending his elderly Muslim parents (who he still lives with). He is now about 55 and I’ve known him for 10 years. I am one of the few people he is open with. I doubt that he would be able to consummate a traditional marriage so he’s had to choose abstinence. That he has never shared a kiss or had a meaningful sexual relationship must have been frustrating. But I also believe that this has caused him to be awkward in social situations, very secretive and hermit like. To spend a life suppressing what we all seem to agree are completely natural urges isn’t healthy. What is most tragic though is that he might go to his grave having never experienced the joy of a partner’s love and the thrill of a healthy sexual relationship.
I do understand what you mean. I feel like gay muslims have no choice but to submit and be patient. I am one of those people. I am 22 and I have loved only once throughout my life and the person I loved is married now. I have to say that I am not that social and i do not like to be close from people because they represent mere danger to me. I hate life, I hate myself, I hate people but I am studying well and trying to establish myself a calm future of lonely. I always imagine myself close from Allah in the future, alone in my cozy room and isolated. I do not feel like I am like the other human beings and I swear I do not know what the meaning of love and peace is! I sometimes wonder if I actually have the right to breathe! Anyway, I coped with all that and telling will do no more than adding helpless words and nothing will change. Alhamdulilah for everything but I believe that homosexual acts are sinful and we should submit to Allah since acting on it will get us nothing but sin.
A L H A M D U L I L A H !
I understand your sympathy for your friend, however i should add that any health or emotional damage he might suffer as a result of his abstinence is nothing compared to the severe punishment he will have to face in this world and mostly in the hereafter if he gives in to his desires. Althugh its a tough situation to be in, eternal reward for his patience is more important. On the part where you said the feelings were “natural” i dont know to what extent they are indeed natural, but whatever the cause, muslims view this or at least should, as a test as to whether you will obey God or follow your desires.
Would people here show hostility to ahmadis?
This blog is focused on a particular topic, and while we have our serious differences with the Ahmadis, that is not our concern here and we welcome anyone who is willing to discuss seriously.
Hello,
I got here by searching for Al-Fatiha (Muslims in support of LGBT).
I’m a straight non-muslim. I was expecting to find a page which tries to reconcile homosexuality and Islam, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. Rather, you say the urge of homosexuality is not abnormal, and judge those who commit homosexual acts as sinners.
From your point of view you’re trying to help by giving them advice on how to keep God pleased so they can get into paradise. The individual’s current well-being is – from your point of view – is inferior to his well-being after this life.
From a humanist point of view I find this very wrong. I see someone in the comments going through counseling and feels miserable. To secure his current well-being (which is priority, since after-life-well-being presupposes the muslim faith is correct and is therefore not guaranteed) I would try to convince him that he is not a sinner – this is the core of the problem. What you are doing is not helping, it’s prolonging the suffering.
I say this because I empathize with people struggling between faith and sexual orientation.
Cheers
Hello Steve, and thanks for your comment. You know, we Muslims are humanists too, but above all, we are theists. So while I could address a few of your opinions here, I ought to get straight to the heart of the matter and say: that is the difference between those who believe in God and the Hereafter, and those who don’t. We can never reconcile these two perspectives on life. Best wishes to you!
Salam,
I would like to start by saying this blog is essential –so glad people are talking about this. Although I have to say I wholly reject the idea of being judged or told to be patient by heterosexual Muslim scholars, but a lot of what is said here can be potentially useful I think. My situation is as follows. I am a Muslim American man in my early early 20s. I come from a well known wealthy Arab family that is entirely homophobic and completely anti gay. Ironically, I am the pride and joy of my family, In a very short while, I’ll have my PhD. In addition, I’m social, unusually attractive, intelligent, respectful, and I have a reputation for being honest and trustworthy. Being such, my entire family is constantly constantly dreaming of my wedding. I hear about it every day. Honestly, I want nothing more than to meet the Ideal woman and start a family. However, I am gay. I am not ashamed by this. Nobody knows because I’m very masculine and tend to have an aggressive personality; characteristics people associate with gays. I am very smooth with women as well so I’ve gotten kind of a reputation for being a heart breaker. To be honest, Ive spent all my life trying to be an Ideal, perhaps because I want to compensate for my weakness for the same sex. I hate the idea of being pitied; I prefer to be envied –I know this is very unIslamic. Anyhow, unlike many gay men who are in the closet. I don’t hate myself. In fact, quite the opposite, I can really say that I love myself. If I wasn’t gay, I wouldn’t be the same person that my family loves. I wouldn’t be doing all these amazing things with my life. Alhamdulilah, I do my best to never hurt anyone and to remain honorable. I have never had sex with a man. I’m more interested in love than I am sex. I can live without sex but not without love. I haven’t decided not to act on my homosexual feelings, but I have decided that if I do it will not be just because i’m horney (please forgive my vulgar language). As a disclaimer I must say i’m not 100% gay. I think I would be able to have sex with a woman. I have a very slight attraction to females, but my feelings for men are 10 times stronger. The reason I haven’t had sex with men is (1) I don’t want to deal with my family —I’m not ashamed of my sexuality –I was born this way, but I just don’t want to argue with ignorance (2) As mercy for my parents –they would be devastated, alot of people envy them and might find joy from identifying something (they believe) is shameful with my family (3) I am hoping allah will reward me for not acting on my gay feelings (and here I want to distinguish between merely not punishing me and rewarding me –denying yourself such natural satisfaction in my opinion is a form of jihad and finally (4) I haven’t been able to convince myself that my religion is wrong. I love everything about Islam except the prohibition on homosexual relations. I beleive that there are good reasons for it. I know it is the right thing to do. But I thing that Arab culture is distorting the message. The Imam of our masjid is an absolute idiot and hypocrite and I wouldn’t come to him for advise on how to tie my shoes let alone deal with a religious issue. So here is my question I want to build stronger relationships with men and I think this may be able to help fulfill my desires without sex. I don’t know how to do this. I am very distant with most men. If I am attracted to a guy, I stay away from him or I keep a very formal relationship with him. A lot of guys think I’m stuck up but really I’m just afraid of having a close relationship with a guy and being found out. Also, I find that a lot of men find me intimidating (something I am working on fixing). What can I do?
P.S. sorry for the mawal; I realize this is a very long story.
Salam, Jack, and thank you for the interesting thoughts and experiences you’ve shared.
Without taking away from your individuality, I know that many of the things you’ve said will resonate with many readers. And contrary to the reading that many people choose to impose on our writings here, we do NOT promote the idea that people should be “ashamed of themselves” and live a life of misery. Our simple point is to recognise what Allah allows and forbids, and thus control our desires – and to do this in a sustainable way, this also entails self-development to GUIDE those desires. And we advocate the positive outlook that you’ve explained, in that this test (of SSA) can have many good effects in this life if approached properly, and can result in great rewards in the Hereafter for patience and obedience to the Creator.
I think you’re very much on the right track in seeking male friendships (and Islamic brotherhood) to fulfil something in your life that’s missing. In fact, if you reflect on this deeply, you may realise that the lack of this may have a lot to do with the sexual feelings you’ve developed. On that basis, forming those friendships can have an effect in reducing the other feelings, if the element of “distance/mystery” is reduced. If coupled with getting married (if you’re confident you can do right by your wife), then this could be a sustainable way of living, as thwarting SSA altogether is an unlikely outcome for most people.
These are some general thoughts, though I’d encourage you to consider the support group at http://www.straightstruggle.com to share ideas and learn from other people’s experiences and perspectives.
you know i never ever expected that there are other muslims out there who also suffer the conflict of their sexual preference and our religion. I am a very faithful Muslim.i try to set my self the right path as much as i can I never miss prayers, i try to pray at masjid not only on fridays, i do not drink, try to respect everyone and do good deeds such as community service, volunteer, etc, with the intention for hasanat (virtues, not sure if thats the word). what used to make me feel really bad about my self and lowered my self esteem was being gay (dont know what else should i call it). i knew i was attracted to men since 11 yrs old, but didn’t know that homosexuality existed by at that age. as i reached 16 i knew there’s something wrong and i need to fix. i looked everywhere on the web for a ‘cure’ for my homosexuality. i tried everything i found but i knew it was hopeless. however, i have managed another way to prevent myself from committing adultery. first, i believe that making my parents happy outweighs my sexual desires million times. second, i imagine myself 30 yrs from now (im 21) being surrounded by my kids taking care of me just like im doing to my parents. i know that im 100% attracted to men, and im dont really feel bad about it anymore. in fact, im proud of what person i became. you are the first muslim website/group that actually feels what i go through. most muslim scholars would never accept that it is not my fault im attracted to men. however,as mentioned, acting upon it is what prohibited. i tried to find a loophole in islam that would tolerate homosexuality, but to be honest, i failed.
so did i
hello everyone , i have the same tedecy to be attracted to men like most of you,i wanna share my experience here ,this struggle is going forever i dont remember when i started this struggle actually maybe when i was 15 ,it is like a fate or destiney , but the thing that it is worse than only a sexual orientation ,becouse it could ruin all your life ,socially and make you despaire and even sometimes you feel you wanna run away ,you try to keep away from ppl and you feel yourself different from others,you try to find a way out but then you get back again to the same circle ,you can’t give up your faith and you can’t deny ,iam sure all of us have tried to cure ourselves but by time we discover that there is no cure , you have to undure this,and if you left yourself go with the flow of your sexuality ,you feel guilt and not happy ,coz you know what god says wether you try to lie to yourself by justfying some verses of the quran to suite you, but you know the truth ,sometimes ppl can lie to themselves ,but some others can’t,i dont know what is the end for this circle actually ,it is a game of patience but it is hard to live like that to feel like that ,like you are hiding a secret and guess what ppl won’t respect if you tell them so ,so you have to keep your secrets inside ,they can kill you slowly and no one will notice ,many of us wished for suicide ,that is not from the sexual thing no it is this phsycological pain and struggle all our words here will only tell you be patient and have faith , but is there is a solution for this torture? i guess no ,some can say it is a matter of choice ,no it is not coz no one want to have this pain,really dont know what to say,even special needs ppl can say they are so ,but we can’t ,we can burn inside and nothing will help except for patience ,severe patience till you die and only then you will rest in peace ,we are fighting here and this fight won’t end
There is no doubt that Allah (SWT) made us the way we are, being gay is certainly not a choice, if it was would be a real tough one. A straight person can never understand what it’s like to be gay. I have asked this question to many gay people and i know it myself from the day i can remember i was never attracted to girls but guys. Yet, i forced myself to be in relationship with girls with the hope that it might change me or to keep up the straight image and be “normal”. I am 34 year old and i have been in a constant fight. I have tried it many times to push aside how a feel and be a good Muslim but it never lasted too long. And here I am am trying again and may Allah give me all the strength to be good this time and win this fight.
At the end of the day, It’s clear Allah(SWT) has made everyone different, Allah(SWT) also made transgender and was it their choice? do they like the way they are? are they accepted in the society? No but i guess this life is a test for them and they will all be rewarded in the afterlife.
When it comes to gay men there two types. One who are very straight acting and the other is the flaming feminine type. Their bodies are more petite or slim(twinks) they can’t help being feminine but they are men, which i think proves that God made them like that. Now should they be hated or killed for being the way they are? No
I totally agree with brother Ahmed above, all my life i felt so; not normal like everyone else and always felt so isolated with not much of a social life. Sometime i wish i could tell my family who i really am and what i am going through. lol but i know they will never accept or understand.
There are people born with disabilities and terrible illnesses and sometime this life is a much bigger struggle for them. Allah (SWT) made them that way and again they will surely be rewarded in the next life.
Now for myself, I see this one and only life of mine to be a test, a struggle or a fight(Jihad) and i really hope that with prayer and Allah’s help i will win this fight. But it’s not going to be easy. I have already made some changes in my life as i believe that for someone wanting to change it’s important for them to change things in their lives.
It’s all to do with having the right knowledge, understanding deen (Islam), the will and of course being strong. In the past i wasn’t able to continue being on the right path cos i didn’t have the right knowledge and my imaan(faith) was not strong. We can’t just believe everything we read on the internet, other people’s point of views. I think deep inside all of us we know what’s right and what’s wrong. And tbh all these matters are very personal, only Allah (SWT) is the judge.
Just a funny thing i would like to share lol it’s month of Ramadan and i have been fasting, i keep myself busy and occupied during the day but at night almost every night i have these stupid sex dreams with guys, i really don’t know what to do about it(Satan is locked up during this month, so it must be my silly brain). I do pray to Allah though as i don’t have control over my dreams.
I would also like to share this poem i wrote few years ago, while i was going through a bad patch and struggle with in myself. I believe all of you can relate to it.
This life might be hard but it’s very precisions, time never stays the same. Be strong and always look at others who are less fortunate than you are, yet going on and doing good in the world.
May Allah (SWT) bless me and ya all and give us the strength to be good in this life and live they way of Islam.(Ameen)
Struggle:
I wear a disguise and live a lie every day
Even though I’m broken inside, I manage to fix a smile every day
I long to belong to someone, who can be my strength and stand by my side every day
I am surrounded by many friendly faces, yet, I feel so alone every day
I wear a disguise and live a lie every day
I am torn in two different worlds, feel like a misfit in both every day
What’s natural don’t feel right, like I’m in a fight with my own self every day
I put my past behind me; it comes back haunting every day
I look for the courage to accept who I am, and be free… every day
I wear a disguise and live a lie every day
I look myself in the mirror but fail to recognize, every day
I have been running for so long, I look for ways to stop every day
I wear a disguise and live a lie every day
And in my disguise, I live and die every day
As salaamu Alaikuum
my name is Manteen, 31 years old. I read these posts and its like I wrote them. This is too hard….the lies I tell to family and friends are running out. Im so tired of running, tired of lying, tired of supressing my feelings. I just wanna go to Jenna, but I dont think I will make it….my flesh, this feeling consumes me. Im so tired of coming home alone. My mother wanders why i have a good job, handsome and not married, I know she and my siblings want to ask me. I have stopped even going out wit girls. I ask Allah have mercy on both you and me when we are judged.
As Salaamu Alaikuum
May Allah reward you
One more thing, few people here mentioned that they are being miserable due to their struggle. But I feel that, no one has to be miserable once you know the facts and accept things the way they are, you;ll be fine. No one is perfect, gay, straight or whatever. Pretty much everyone has issues or problems, it’s all about how we deal with them. And sometime we all need some help or at least someone to talk to.
If anyone(Gay, lesbian, whoever) feels like they need someone to talk to, please feel free contact me at
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Salaam brother Mateen, It seems you are going through a lot and I really hope and pray that Allah(SWT) give you the strength.
Here is the thing, Muslim or not. living with SSA is not easy and I am grateful to Allah(SWT) for making me a Muslim but if i wasn’t a Muslim I still wouldn’t wanna be gay. I don’t know if you have experienced the gay world, trust me, its no fun.
Alhumdullilah I have managed to control my urges with the help of Allah(SWT) and I am very happy the way things are right now. So yeah; it is possible to fight it.
Just don’t give in bro, if you need someone to talk to, get in touch with me at [removed]
I have been following this blog for a while and it seems that it doesn’t believe in sciences like psychology or psychiatry. It doesn’t promote psychotherapy or any professional psychological help. Moreover, it started to mention “marriage” as a “sustainable” solution to SSA.
Salam, Ali. We do indeed recognise these sciences, even if we have reservations about the way some people use them (telling us that embracing homosexuality is the only scientific way, etc.!). Most definitely, true science (alongside true revelation) leads to truth, and true action leads to success.
On this blog, we don’t push a particular solution because that is not our speciality. We do promote an email support group (www.straightstruggle.com) which has members (some with qualifications in these sciences) who promote ideas much like you have outlined.
I have a feeling the quote about marriage has been taken out of context, but if you share it I’ll clarify.
As far as I know, SSA can be treated by proper and professional psychotherapy. From my personal experience, My ssa reduced and my opposite sex attraction increased. I advice ssa brothers and sisters to stop wasting time in blogs and groups and start searching for a professional psychotherapist. Of course many people will say ” we can NOT find a therapist who is experienced in treating ssa”. Yes this is right because SSA is not different than any other condition. As a homosexual male I had sever depression, low self esteem, chronic fear, anxiety, anger, a chronic feeling of weakness, bitterness and shyness. Many heterosexual people suffer from this package of problems. I went to a professional therapist and we started to work on those issues.After resolving some of those negative feelings my ssa started to decrease and my osa started to increase.
I know it’ s not easy to find a good therapist but you have to try and search. I recommend to find a therapist who is open minded and doesn’t see ssa as a sin or a moral deviation and also doesn’t think it’s completely biological error. Try to find an ambivalent one.
SSA is a symptom of underlying issues like anger, fear and low self esteem. If you resolved those issues it’s likely that your ssa will decrease or disappear altogether.
JazakumAllah khayr for creating such a wonderful, thought-provoking site, i appreciated all the fascinating articles and sources you’ve included…and the simple fact of this sort of blog existing! you don’t find many places that bring awareness to this issue, especially from an Islamic perspective, so i pray you will be rewarded inshAllah for all your wonderful efforts.
indeed Islam recognizes same-sex attraction to be possible among individuals in a given society – and some may feel more so inclined than others – and the issue is not actually having those feelings, but acting on them. which i think is interesting subhanAllah, because with Islam, you’re not condemned for thinking gay, but acting gay which produces a number of health risks that is clearly undeniable, mentally and physically. you cannot have a “loving” relationship with the same-sex and not feel inclined to act intimately with one another..this is where the health risk comes in and also creates such a social problem. it is sexual deviance just as pedophilia and sexual sadism are – one may argue “well those are different because you’re hurting someone else”, well with homosexuality, you’re hurting yourself. and subsequently, other loved ones around u, particularly children because they are such easily influenced creatures. Islam draws a line to this sort of behavior because it is clearly unhealthy
and in response to the comments Ali had written, i’d just like to start by thanking you bro for sharing genuine feelings about your personal story, and pray that Allah makes it easy for u here on out. while we all realize, as Muslims, we are on this earth for such a short time and our essential purpose is to prepare for the next life, we all also realize that we have certain tests to overcome in this life in order to earn that blissful paradise in the hereafter, and i feel that test may include feeling “homophobic” for some. your urge may be stronger than others but its something (possible) to overcome – and remember: Allah assures us that He will not place too great of a burden more than we can bear. so keep in mind He is ever-Merciful, ever-Forgiving.
and as far as the “sciences” you mentioned, i think that some may be so opposed to those particular areas of study because its become so much more of a business now than it is a field of social assistance/counseling. psychotherapists will seek to artificially medicate you and allow you to become so dependent on certain substances that it will actually be counter productive (in some cases) and keep you coming back, cuz DUH!, they want you to continue paying for their services. in other cases (such as yours) they may be necessary to assist in such a sensitive topic – in which case i think those types of assistance are extremely helpful.
I desperately need help. I don’t want to post my story out here for all to see. Please can somebody help me?
Salam, what we can suggest is that you get in touch with the Straight Struggle group, where you can discuss anonymously. From other people’s experience and knowledge, we hope you will find the best way forward to get the help you need. May Allah provide you comfort and ease.
http://www.straightstruggle.com
may allah all of you suffering from this disease and nervous breakdown to become healthy again…but please do not allign with our religion…do not use the word muslims …please do not bring shame to us
Ali, I’m sure you have good intentions BUT your da’wah is completely the wrong way round. You should call people to adhere to the religion, not to leave it and do whatever they desire… until they somehow become cured!
Assalam-Walaikum
Could you please give me some reference from the Qur’an or from Hadeeths that talk about the punishments of female and female intimacy. I’ve seen many ayahs about some of the same things that deal with the same ideas, but talk about males. Please give some evidence that talks about this. JAK.
Wa ‘alaikum as-salam,
Many people raise the question in this way, as if there needs to be specified punishment for us to accept that something is sinful and worthy of punishment. There are many sins which have not been described in terms of punishment (especially in this world), but because they are sins, there would be punishment in the Hereafter for someone who does not repent and is not pardoned by Allah for them.
Regarding female-female sexual activity, it would come under the verse: “But whoever seeks beyond that [i.e. intimacy with legitimate spouse], they are the transgressors” (23:7). There are many verses and hadiths which describe the punishment for zina (illegitimate intercourse), of which this is considered a sub-category. In terms of worldly punishment (where such applies), some scholars argue that it should be considered a lesser form of zina such that the ‘hadd’ punishment would not apply, on the basis that the nature of such acts does not lead to all the same harms as male-female (or male-male) intercourse. But that does not mean it is less of a sin, and perhaps it is more egregious than ordinary zina due to the additional aspect of perversion.
Asalaamu-alay-kum, who can I contact to speak or email directly about my “certain” sexual feelings that I am afraid could get me in big trouble?
Wa ‘alaikum as-salam, you can try the e-mail support group at http://www.straightstruggle.com.
Asalamaliakum,hello i am 2 gay boy,i had a unprotected sex with many guys in jammu and kashmir,india.at age when i was 14 to 2o years.i got hiv+.now i repent to allah… Please pray for my did adultery sins..for forgiveness.since that period of time i weeped 2 lakhs times during nights and still weeping.
I’ve been wanting someone’s opinion on this. Some say that same-sex marriage shouldn’t be banned because it’s includes sexual discrimination. (For example Ron can’t marry John because he’s a man, etc.) What would you think of this? Would this be a valid argument? Not in Islam, as I know it’s not allowed, just based on your morals. I’d just like to know what you would think of this. Thank-you.
This is the problem with taking a term like “discrimination” and making it an absolute evil. There are valid sexual acts and invalid ones, and society still recognises that while some work hard to break down our values and morals. Ron and John cannot marry each other because they are BOTH men. But both of them can marry if they so choose (which means with the opposite gender, as that’s what marriage IS), but if they are not so inclined (because of their sexual dysfunction) then they shouldn’t blame the law.
I want to say about homosexuality acts after hiv will allah accepts repentance.
If I understand your question…
Yes, Allah will accept sincere repentance according to His will, even after a person has been afflicted by HIV from what they had been doing. But it is so much better to repent and stop that sinful act before it reaches that stage, so that the repentance is fully sincere and not caused by an inability to carry on the sin!
I m having hiv+ will i commit suicide coz i cannot bear more problems?
No, that will not solve anything. Live your life with a repentant heart and do as many good deeds as you can. Your patience is a cause for Allah’s mercy.
well said!
This is a very hurtful blog. I guess the idea that gay persons exist, even in the muslim world, and are unable to change via prayer (even if they do it REALLY HARD) must inform Muslims that Allah actually does not exist. Of course, this is not even considered as a response to discuss now, is it? I am very thankful I learned HOW to think and not WHAT to think. This is crazy talk and it is leading to serious mental challenges and violence to families who just happen to have this delightful diversity which should be celebrated, not derided. Gay persons reading this blog, please protect yourself from this ridiculous vitrol/poison. You are a loving and caring person, your God loves you, and you need to LEAVE this sort of hateful unsupportive environment!
I will be shocked if this actually makes it onto the blog – if it does, then, I commend the blog managers for being open to dialogue. If not, then, I am vindicated.
If you’d read much of the blog, you’d know that we allow idiotic comments as long as they don’t cross the line of decency. Of course, deriding our religion is hardly decent, but you’ve said your piece so go away now.
Thank you for your delightful comment. three years ago, I foolishly believed what this blog calls for. Now I’m glad I was able to get professional help from my university’s counseling service. Instead of the denial, misery, self-contradicting attitude, I live a healthier life accepting who I am and actually celebrating my sexuality.
I fail to see how your comment is anything but rational.
If you think it’s rational to say that “Allah actually does not exist”, then you have bigger problems than either misery or celebration.
Brother Rasheed
It has been almost two months since I first saw this blog. From the other smut and filth that so called muslims have [queer tumblr] to justify lesbian/fag sex yet still having the audacity quote from the sacred scripture and “hook-up” at ICNA conventions and “get leso arousals after ramadan”. I can’t stand when they quote the Koran!
My question is
Is it worth it to figure out what these people do, is it necessary to go see their blogs/ tumblrs where they write blasphemous stuff ( i.e. coming out in the masjid) or just ignore them and brush the topic under the carpet ?
Sorry I could not help myself
I believe that a small number of Muslims need to take the burden of monitoring that material and providing responses as necessary, and that means particularly those who are putting out theories regarding Qur’an and Sunnah, i.e. the leaders of deception and destruction. As for those who are only following their desires, there is no point in responding to every post as they are not interested in reasoned discussion.
Seven years ago, my colleagues and I took up this burden and have written responses to many posts and media articles. I had hoped there would be more support for this effort from the Muslim community, but the only reward we seek is from Allah. All I can say is that if I’d sensed that Muslims were making more use of this site and promoting anything good it contains, I would probably have directed more effort in addressing the recent onslaught of propaganda from non-Muslim and “Muslim” quarters. May Allah help us.
For sake of all that is good, DO NOT give up on this website. I am going to try my best to spread the word. This web site opened my eyes to see the fitna that is coming in from all directions.
Please do direct the effort; I tried and failed as was so shocked and disgusted by these lesbos i.e. queer muslim tumblr that I could not concentrate on Jummah. The way they use Muslim history and basic Islamic tenets to justify their “indulgent” lifestyles is maddening. Needless to say that I care not for the practice and thought in the non-muslim point of view.
Something must be done.
Perhaps if you can get in touch with the brothers that run this website.They seem to have a good thing going.
-Peace dear brother
I feel this blog is good for those Muslims who have gay feelings but want to strive against them and practise their deen. I do however also dislike when gay Muslims try to justify their actions by the Quran or hadith.
Salaam
I have just been told that my nephew is gay. He has confided in me and I don’t know what to do. He is scared that he’s parents may find out. He is currently in a relationship. I know this is wrong and Islam doesn’t allow this. I have tried to guide him on the right path but I feel lost. As it don’t seem to sink in with him. I’m confused and trying to seek advice on how to help him. As at the end of the day I don’t want Allah to punish me for not helping.
Thank you
Dear Husna
Your nephew may be highly influenced by his peers, and it is very natural that he would choose their opinions over yours. This is a very delicate position he is in, and it is important that you do not come across as patronizing. It is good that he has confided in you, this means he trusts you.
Ask Allah for help and slowly approach the subject with your nephew. Mentioning it too often may irk him. Keeo trying and trying and always, before you talk to him about it, say Bismillah in your mind. Insha Allah, Allah will reward you for trying. He is the Best Judge, and actions are judged by intention. If your intention is pure, and your cause is sincere, Insha Allah you will succeed. But if it seems your nephew is not willing to listen, don’t stop praying for him, maybe many years later, with Allah’s Mercy, he will repent. Have faith in Allah. Allah knows best. Ameen.
great blog.
Slaam, i’m so happy to have found this blog . Being a practicing Muslim who is also attracted to the same sex this blog has just confirmed for me what i’ve always felt . JazakAllah Khaira brother for all your good work and may Allah help us to stay on the right path and to not give in to desire . Ameen
if u want to be freed from having gay feelings then it is very possible that god can do it for you if you go to him, i went to him and he freed me and now im a different person frred from gay thought, feelings and everything ive become a straight person
Salaam. Wow, there are quite a few comments here. I came across this blog many times, struggled similarly with these feelings, though alhamdulillah I have liked men my whole life, I did recently feel attraction towards a gay woman. I’ve reasoned myself out of a lot of trouble that I guess could’ve happened, but I was always way too afraid to let it get that far. Afraid of so many different things. Going through this struggle however has made me a more compassionate Muslim. And I feel equipped to help other Muslims who are struggling with this, especially because I had almost no one that I could openly speak to about my struggle. The one person I was most open with was a nonMuslim therapist. I had one session with her, could tell that she believed I shouldn’t suppress my desires, and I walked out of her office and never looked back. That’s not the kind of support I want, thank you.
Make dua to Allah swt. Desires exist in your heart. He swt has control over your heart. Always did, always will.
Your one of the good guys.
Very glad I found this blog. I, myself, am not gay but I strive to help my brothers and sisters overcome their stuggles with it. I sincerely hope that with Allah’s(SWT) help, you will be successful in your cause, and Insha Allah Allah will reward you greatly for your sincerity. I really do dislike it when people condemn any Muslim who feels such way. It is a sin, indeed, but is it not a Muslims duty to help their brethren to repent from their sins? Verily, Allah is the inly Judge and we can’t pretend to be better than Him, Nauzubillah. Just stick to your sincere stuggle, hold on to the Quran and remind people of Allah and His Mercy, and Insha Allah Muslims will be blessed, because Allah is Oft-Forgiving. Masha Allah, and Ameen.
I am Nestor. I’m currently living in New York City. I am a Puerto Rican, however I was not born there. The religion that I was born into is Roman Catholic, but I now see myself more as agnostic, but to be honest I, from time to time fail to believe in God. The first time that I ever said I was gay was when a student in high school asked me the question, I was 14 at the time.
Since I was a young child I have experienced much trauma. I have also had my heart broken several times by homosexual men. I currently abuse drugs. They are destroying my sense of reality and my sense of self. Because of my drug abuse I cannot remember anything anymore and all I know is that I no longer wish to have sex with men.
I will never again love a man, I will never again give my heart, my body, my soul, my love, to a man. I will remain without sex for the rest of my life.
I will stop abusing drugs, and this is to include the abuse of alcohol.
I ask all who read this to pray for me. For you now know my name. My name is Nestor.
😦 My heart goes out to you Nestor.
In case no one has told you, everything will be okay, and you will be okay.
Hey Nestro, stay strong man. I have had similar experiences but instead of turning to drugs or alcohol I turned to God. I believe men are not capable of loving an other man lol but I might be wrong. Do not despair, you are who you are, truly one of a kind, don’t fight it, accept it.
Life is too precious, do something good, do something you are passionate about, maybe travel, help others, charity work etc? Don’t let it go to waste, get help – perhaps rehab!!
Remember you are far better than many other unfortunate people in this world, do not think of yourself as a victim. I strongly believe that harsh reality is better than false hope.
This is a nice blog where mature discussions are being carried out.
I can totally agree that struggles are meant to test you but never forget there is always a way out.
I would want to share my own personal experience. Hope this encourages my other muslim brothers and brings more faith to all those struggling.
I come from a middle class family with no sibbling. When I was young I was a bit introvert and weak. I was interested in stuff that other guys werent. I prefered painting and poetry over a game of cricket or football. And slowing I never realised but my classmates started calling me gay. I hardly remember if i understood what it meant. By 10th class almost every other guy in my batch either had a girlfriend or was hunting for one. I was least bothered and more concerned about my edu.
Over the years of teasing and poking as Gay I subconsciously developed a mentality of being a gay.
Later in my college days I started to feel more interested into male intimacy videos unlike my friends. And soon I had a developed an understanding that I am either gay or bi.
After my college I started to develop liking for one of my batchmates (a girl). I just thought it to be a strong friendship bond. And finally the day came of revelation. All these years I had been praying to Allah that dont abandon me for I was what he made me and wasnt doing things by choice. I made the biggest mistake of my life but that gave me the biggest lesson.
I made a facebook profile and started hunting for guys for my human urges. I got connected to a muslim guy. I asked him why he does. He said just fun. I invited him over. When he got touchy I started to dislike it. He proceeded but I started to dislike him and I was so ridiculed that I asked him to leave immediately. Later I thought its cos maybe I didnt like him. I again tried it and got ridiculed. I kept wondering that these guys from far off attracted me but I didnt like anyone touching me at all or seeing me for that matter.
I then thought and switched to hetero videos. Everyday I prayed to Allah for forgiveness of what I was doing but had to modify my mentality. Joined gym. Never stayed alone. Kept myself busy with cell phone games in public places to avoid looking at guys n getting urged. Just after a few months I started falling for a girl in my office. I knew that girl from like a year now but now i started to get those hetero feelings. Maybe she could be my gf and wife and mother to my kids. Things didnt proceed with her but now I dont get those gayish feelings. I am alone at home most of the time but dont feel like watching gay videos or invite someone over. Started to mingle more with straight guys.
And Alhamdulillah Today I can say with pride that I have overcome that difficulty.
Overall I dont feel it had anything to do with prayers but my faith in Allah gave me the confidence of taking risks and realising the fact.
I never relied on Allah to change me for I am educated and know he has blessed me with brains to decide. All I have prayed for is forgiveness.
Things happen, situations do change, introspect yourself, find ways to deal with it, history shows criminals turning noble men.
Realise the fact nothing changes overnight or with a prayer. Take things Slow and steady. Analyse, understand, decide and then with full faith in Allah’s name walk onto that path.
I wish may Allah strengthen your faith in him and guide you through all possible means.
This is just my experience and not a guide.
I recently got married with a girl and Alhumdullial I am very happy, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made – Thanks to Allah. I mainly decided to get married as I was too afraid to end up alone plus the family pressure, I didn’t wanna disappoint my mother.
I got engaged over a year ago back home (Long distant -arranged by my family) and that’s when I really started my transition. I changed my company, I started hanging out with straight guys. I started praying salah 5 times (when possible). Salah is a brilliant system to keep on track and away from sin. Du’a is simply amazing, it kinna has a dual action, it of course connects us to Allah but subconsciously it changes our mental thought process. Fortunately I didn’t have to go to any therapist to bring about the change in me.
Few weeks before my marriage though I was terrified as I was concerned if I’ll be able to consummate my marriage. Being a long distant relationship with my fiance at that time, I did not feel attracted to her but I made Du’a and asked Allah for help and I kept my trust in him and left it all in his hands.
Alhumdullialh, with Allah’s blessing it all went well. I really connected with my wife, she has an awesome, fun personality and I am grateful that it all went well.
Now getting married is not a cure but perhaps a solution and I know that it’s not a solution for every guy / girl with SSA. We are all different, I have always considered my self “Bi” and have had girl friends in the past, in fact long term relationships. But if you are like me and considering to get married, you should do it for sure and ask Allah for his help.
I think it’s important for everyone to remember that this life is temporary and some like ourselves it might be a bigger struggle. I believe that to bring about positive change in your life you need two things;
Firstly you need to accept who you are and be comfortable with it. LOVE YOURSELF as I am sure our God / creator loves us too.
Secondly, stay steadfast, hold on to your religion strongly, read Qur’an and Sunah, so you can have a good understanding to strengthen your faith. No matter what your situation is, I am sure you can always find a solution with the help Allah and deen. Sometime I wonder, for SSA guys/girls with marriage not being an option, can they live with an other man just as friends without sexual relationship, just so they don’t end up sad and alone but not sin at the same time? Just a thought or perhaps a suggestive solution for some.
As I said getting married is not a cure, I still have the same old feelings and desires but I have figured out a way to control / suppress them. And I always change my train our thoughts plus I remove myself from any situation where I feel I might be getting week, also I start remembering and praying to Allah and ask for protection from Shaitan. So far this method has worked great for me. No doubt, this is hard but it’s not impossible, I aim to strive for a better life after this!!!
At the end of the day we are all humans, we are weak, we can always try and do our best but surely our lord know what’s in our hearts and he knows our intentions; He surely is Merciful, Forgiving and Almighty.
Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope. I’m 28 years old and feeling depressed about my SSA..I didn’t really get depressed about them before but it just hit me like a ton of bricks in the last month because I have been out of work and have had a lot of time to myself. A lot of my friends are at the stage where they are getting married or are married and I’ve been thinking about that too.. and I soon have to make a choice. I know this is a test but it’s a very hard test..I’ve never acted on my SSA and can’t see myself that way. You said to accept yourself and to love yourself and that is key..what do you mean by that specifically? Thanks in advance for your help.
Hey Jack,
For a long time I was in denial about my SSA and I kinna hated myself for being different, until I came to terms with this whole situation and realized that I never chose to be this way.
So I think it’s important to accept the fact we have SSA and acknowledge the fact that our creator made us like this and for sure this life is a hard test for us but as compare to other people born with severe disabilities our test is not bad at all.
It’s also important to love yourself the way you are to be comfortable in your own skin.
Stay strong my brother and pray to Allah for making things easy for you, Inshallah. Also, keep yourself busy, connect with local mosque / Muslim community and activities.
All the best and May Allah guide you with his Hikmah to make the right decision, Ameen.